Dear Men’s Volleyball Team,
Even though it was a rough year; perhaps the worst to date, as your coaches, we decided it was important to express ourselves in the only way we feel truly captures the awesomeness that is men’s volleyball. Sitting here on this computer, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer, we have decided that the best way to make you play next year is to forget about the record and remind you how much fun we actually had. What better way to do this than with a top ten list? So here it is: The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Play Volleyball Next Year…
1. You can’t lose any more than one more game than you did last year
2. Because you love coverhover so much…get down Marcus! Again! Again!
3. Happyfuntime…smile Andy
4. Nuts nuts get ’em…right Mr. Jenkins? (ok so we just wanted to throw Mr. Jenkins in there somewhere)
5. Because at any given practice at least one of your coaches will be drunk (okay, it was only one coach)
6. Because the coaches enjoy grabbing each other inappropriately (ok it was only one coach)
7. When you start to lose…your coaches have a whole other game plan…having nothing to do with volleyball and everything to do with flashing
8. Team bonding includes smoking outside the gym…what other team allows cigarette breaks during practice?
9. The dedication of your coaches is such that they will get behind the wheel after a long night of drinking just to get you to your destination safely
10. Jocelyn: Erin we are not putting that in the article.
Erin: C’mon Joc, team morale is important and you played an important part in that.
Jocelyn: Shut up. (actual conversation)
So, what conclusions can we draw from this season? Was it always fun? Was it always easy? Were your coaches always sane or even sober? Enough questions, the answers are superfluous (Andy that’s a big word…do you understand?). The bottom line is the following: If ALL OF YOU GUYS AND GIRLS don’t come back next year there will be NO TEAM. And just think how Noah would feel about that. Plus, we’d both have to kick your asses. In all seriousness guys we thoroughly enjoyed being your coaches and hope that you all decide to live up to your potential next year by coming back and being the amazing players we know you can be.
Love,
Erin and Jocelyn
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