I haven’t seen the movie “Miracle” and I’m not sure if I’m going to. But I’ve seen a lot of commercials for it recently and have taken a few film classes at Wesleyan, so I feel fairly confident that I can write a professional film review about it. I know most people at Wes could care less about a hockey movie, but I feel it is my duty as a member of the sports intelligentsia to offer my opinions of the film. Hopefully, this will provide enough information about the movie for you, the concerned reader, to discern for yourself if you would like to go and spend good, hard-earned money viewing it.
The first thing you should know about “Miracle” is that it is about the U.S. Hockey Team from 1980 and their miraculous victory over the heavily favored Russian “Red Army” team, hence the name for the film. In the midst of the Cold War, the United States and the U.S.S.R. would do just about anything to see who was more powerful, from seeing who could assemble the most nukes, to getting into space first, to trying to see who could hold their breath longer underwater. These two nations were the fiercest of competitors. Enter the Olympics of 1980 to that long list of things we could directly compete with the Russians.
Except, in hockey, we couldn’t compete. We entered a rag-tag group of hockey outcasts into the tournament and the Russians entered a team of hockey cyborgs that fed off of the fear of man, or so I would assume. These cyborgs, created by the evil scientist Dr. Zelkov, are programmed for one thing- destroying the hopes and dreams of all Americans. The night before the game, the Russian cyborgs and Dr. Zelkov are sitting at the hotel bar, downing vodka, and the American team walks in. The really big, anonymous Russian captain says to the American captain something menacing and then the Russians laugh at our team in unison. We scurry upstairs and say curse words that are acceptable for a PG-rated movie.
From the commercials, it is clear that the American’s score a goal past a sprawling Russian cyborg-goalie and then an American sprouts a flag from his back and skates around victoriously as Al Michael’s screams, “Do you believe in miracles?” What happens next? That is pretty obvious from the commercial. The Americans go on to win the Olympics and are crowned “Gods Amongst Men” and are given access to the finest ladies in the land in an attempt to create a super-human hockey army that can invade Russia. This never comes to fruition as the Russians are too humiliated and admit that they were wrong to be so mean to the Americans and ask for forgiveness. The Americans, who were world-renowned for their ability to forgive and forget, accept the Russians’ apologies and invite them over to their celebratory cook-out, where everyone enjoys some icy sodas and juicy cheeseburgers.
After the cookout, the Russians go back to their homes and tell their parents about how good Americans are at everything. The Russian parents then say, “We want to be like America!” They write their dictator about all the good stuff America has and he says, “This America, it sounds nice. Let’s get rid of communism and try to be American!” Everyone in Russia is happy now. The problem between the two nations is resolved. The evil Dr. Zelkov is thrown in prison and then sent into the sun, where he presumably melts.
One thing is certain about “Miracle”: it is a movie that has a little something for everyone. If you love hockey, then you are going to like that guy skating in the commercial. If you always root for the underdog, then this is the movie for you. Or if you are a fan of America, this is going to be an enjoyable couple of hours. The beauty of this movie is that it is so open ended. You’re going to go into that theatre and have no idea what to expect. Sure, maybe you know that America wins in the end, but you already know that from every other American movie ever made. It is the way we are victorious that is truly inspiring. That shot going into that net, “wow”, is all I can say. Every time I see that commercial, I have to fight back the urge to start bawling uncontrollably at how great America is. That is why sports are important. They have the power to take down empires and assimilate other cultures into our own. Soon the entire world will want to be like America because they will see how awesome it was that we won the gold medal in 1980 and everyone will shout, “America rocks!”
For me, seeing the commercial for “Miracle” really opened my eyes to what is going on in the world. Sure we all might have our differences, but as long as there is Olympic hockey, then everything is going to turn out just fine.
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