Here are a few things I look forward to every year during Homecoming Weekend: alumni coming back and partying on Saturday night, the festive atmosphere that surrounds the entire campus, and the yellow beaks on the painted Cardinals in the end zones of Andrus Field. However, to my dismay, this year the beaks were painted red. Why? No one knows. Perhaps Wesleyan was gunning for the most unrealistic looking two-dimensional field painting ever. Or, maybe its goal was to create a cardinal whose beak was drenched in the blood of Williams students. We might never know the answer to this riddle. But now, there are more pressing matters at hand. I know that you are all anxiously awaiting the top 5 sports injuries of all time, so I won’t deny you any longer.
5) ED MCCAFFREY, Wide Receiver – Denver Broncos
What was most unfortunate about Ed McCaffrey’s broken leg was not the grotesque jiggle that happened as his leg crumbled and wrapped around the defender, nor was it that he was sidelined for the entire season in only week one of the season. No, the most tragic part of the injury was that all the attention was given to his broken leg and not to the catch that he miraculously made at the same time. There is something about McCaffrey that is very strange. He gets hit harder than anyone else in the league. It is an uncanny gift. At least once a game, McCaffrey will get hit and you’ll immediately think he has to be dead. However, except for that one time he broke his leg, he gets up every time, maybe a little shaken up, but in a few plays he will be back at full speed. It is an incredible thing to behold.
4) KEVIN STEVENS, Left Wing – Pittsburgh Penguins
Thankfully, a professional hockey player has never checked me into the boards before. I can imagine that what would happen to me would be quite similar to what Stevens experienced. After taking a bone-crushing check against the boards, to the casual onlooker, Stevens looked fine. This was not the case, as Stevens was completely unconscious, yet still standing due to boards propping him up. The harmonious relationship between him and the boards would not last long, however. Soon, his balance was thrown off and he fell forward while still unconscious. Without the use of his limbs to break his fall, he fell directly on his face, shattering it immediately. As a general rule of thumb, wily hockey veterans are not the most glamorous of folk, so Stevens might not have been that upset when he needed to have his face reconstructed.
3) FRANK VOLPICELLI – Darien High School
The Darien High School junior varsity football team has always been on the cusp of greatness, always one step away from making that step from good JV program to excellent JV program. The game against Greenwich could have allowed for that next step to be taken. On that fateful day, not only did Darien get dominated, but also a good friend of mine lost part of his finger. In one of the strangest scenes ever experienced on a football field, Volpicelli got his finger caught in between his chest and a pulling guard and off popped the top part of his middle finger. For the next 10 minutes, as blood pumped from his stump, both teams combed the field looking for the part of the finger. The parents in the stands first thought someone had lost a contact, but as news spread of the real reason for the search, a groan was let out and faces cringed. Finally, the finger part was found and rushed to the hospital on ice. For poor Frank, it could not be reconnected. He now has a deformed middle finger, which he uses quite liberally when people upset him.
2) JOE THEISMANN, Quarterback – Washington Redskins
When people talk about horrific sports injuries, this is the one that most commonly comes up. Enough has been said about Lawrence (LT) Taylor falling right on Theismann’s leg, thus breaking it in two, to fill up a couple of books, so I will make this short. The most interesting thing about this incident, in my opinion, is Lawrence Taylor’s immediate reaction after destroying Theismann’s career. It was not a celebratory reaction as one might expect after sacking the quarterback. Instead, LT jumped up and waved on the trainers, knowing that he had just inflicted pain on Theismann that no person should feel.
1) CLINT MALARCHUK, Goalie – Buffalo Sabres
There is something about having your neck stepped on by a razor sharp skate blade that just sounds unpleasant. This is what happened to Malarchuk as he was playing goalie for the Sabres in 1989. The result was a severed jugular vein and the foulest blood fountain ever to be seen in a sporting event. It has been said that if Malarchuk were on the opposite side of the ice and not on the side where the ambulance was parked, he would have died. For those at the game, they had the honor of seeing the most horrific injury of all time take place right in front eyes. If I had been there, I would have without question fainted, so for that I am thankful. Luckily, Malarchuk was able to recover fully from his severed neck and now coaches goalies part-time for the Florida Panthers and moonlights as a horse dentist. Some things are just too weird to make up.
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