Dear Class of 2009,
We hope that you enjoyed the first senior mocktails event and thank those of you that have given us compliments for our effort. However, as many of you are aware the behavior of our class that night was unacceptable and all of us will feel the implications of such irresponsibility. We are not only referencing the lack of respect of your peers at the venue, but also the intolerable behavior exhibited towards the staff that helped facilitate the event.
While your parents were holding your hair back for you this past Homecoming Weekend, you may have noticed that Wesleyan has something of an alcohol problem… much in the way that Dumbledore has something of a hot pants problem. Last Friday’s Argus reported that Wesleyan is considering a ban on open containers of alcohol, kegs, and smiles. Also, at the first senior cocktails of the year, someone raped a puppy, or something along those lines.
The next meeting of Wesleyan Students Opposed to Being Really Intoxicated Enjoy Talking, Ya’ll (WeSobriety) will be this Wednesday, November 5, 2008 at 10 p.m. and it’s going to be SO MUCH FUN! Because last week’s turnout was huge, we are asking that students still on steps 1 to 5 meet in Sci150 and those who are on steps 6 to 12 meet in the field house. Remember — no matter what step you’re on, WeSupport You!
Schwasted (noun, verb) 1. A recycling receptacle filled with Schweppes’ ginger ale bottles.
2. A physical assault on a bus driver carried out by a Jewish person.
This month’s ice cream social, held at Psi U, was another rousing success, as the 200 available tickets sold out in a record 15 minutes. “The Ice Cream Social series has been successful beyond our wildest dreams,” said Wesleyan Social Club founder Donald Jenkins ’10. “I had no idea how much kids at Wes loved getting together with friends on Saturday nights over a sumptuous buffet of ice cream.”
I know what you’re thinking. How can this Halloween top last year’s Spooktactular Frightfest where you watched Monster House and ate those candy corns hat look like pumpkins? Well it can! There is spookiness all around you, if you know the right places to look. Just use this little guide to help put your Halloween in perspective.
1) Bessie Schöenberg Dance Studio
-Scariest possible costume: tall white man with no rhythm, for example Arvydas Sabonis, Gheorghe Muresan, Detlef Schrempf (basically, any mid-1990s Eastern European NBA player).
Little Katie knew that something bad was going to happen. Her friend Sally said that all they were going to do was go into the spooky house, find the magical pills and then leave, but Katie knew better. When they got to the spooky house they saw weird symbols hanging over the door – letters and triangles.
Ten-year-old Harry Potter followed Hagrid out of the isolated cabin, leaving his aunt, uncle, and cousin dumbstruck. A streak of lightning flashed across the sky, illuminating the small boat that he and Hagrid were to take to the mainland.
Submitted for the approval of Tuesday afternoon society, we present to you, the reader, the spookiest, scariest, spine-tingliest-to-the-point-where-you-think-you-have-epilepsy Ampersand ever. Don’t read it alone… don’t read it after nightfall… don’t read it in the dark.