On Saturday night, I was out dancing at Beta and hanging out with my friends. I saw a male acquaintance on the dance floor, and went over to give him a hug. As soon as he saw me approaching, he took a swig of beer, held it in his mouth with his cheeks puffed out, and spat it all over my face. Then he and a male onlooker laughed at me. Later that evening, seeing that I was still visibly upset by the incident, he walked closer to me and yelled, “Nora, just get over it.”
This was no party foul. It was a deliberate act of disrespect and humiliation. It wasn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened to me, either. Last spring, another male acquaintance came up behind me and deliberately poured an entire cup of beer over my head while I was at a house party minding my own business, and then he and three of his male friends laughed at me.
I’m starting to see a pattern here. How many of you women have been publicly humiliated, ridiculed or harassed by men? I suspect that I’m not the only one. I want to be clear that harassment isn’t just perpetuated by men against women, but that is the angle I want to address because that is what I have personally experienced.
The incident hurt me a lot more because lately I’ve been feeling like many men at Wesleyan don’t respect me, or women in general. I want to been seen as more than just a piece of ass, because that’s not what I am. I am a human being with feelings, ideas, beliefs, thoughts, and motivation, and I want to be respected for those reasons. I expect people to stop themselves before they spit beer in my face and think, “How would I feel if someone spat beer in my face without any provocation?” I expect all Wesleyan students to show complete respect for each other and thoughtfulness in their actions. And if someone isn’t sober enough to make the decision not to harass another individual, I expect that person’s friends to escort hir home.
If my stipulation is correct, that this type of disrespectful behavior is a trend at Wesleyan, how come we don’t hear more about it? How come this isn’t something we’re talking about and confronting as a genuine problem? Well, for me personally, when I started telling people what had happened to me, here are the responses that I got: “Guys are jerks.” “Just ignore him.” “He’s not worth it.” “You’re better than him.” Now, if I had been a police officer and a college student had spat beer on me, how quickly do you think he would’ve been arrested and charged with harassment? How come no one said to me, “You should call Public Safety” or “You can press charges for that kind of thing” or “Don’t let him get away with that”? The bottom line is that when someone is treated like a second-rate human being, we should not just blow it off as “boys will be boys” or “maybe he was just really drunk.” The situation needs to be addressed, and there need to be consequences for behavior that discriminates against certain groups in the Wesleyan community, especially when it becomes a recurring behavior. Individuals must be held personally responsible for their actions. It would be even better if friends intervened before situations like this get out of hand.
I want to thank everyone who stood up for me or offered me support this weekend. At this point, if I thought that pressing charges could change something or make the situation better, I would. But I don’t want to be dragged down to the level of trying to teach this guy a lesson. Instead, I want to alert the Wesleyan community to a larger issue, and I want you all to start being aware of this problem. Make sure that you and your friends aren’t participating in this type of behavior, but are instead fostering an environment where all of us feel safe and respected.
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