My current relationship is with someone I’ve known since my first year of college. He has always been part of my outer circle of friends, but recently we have become much closer. This new relationship was not something I was anticipating or expecting, but was something I stumbled into.
Dating within my friend group has always been the most natural to me. It makes sense because you’re in a comfortable environment where you can be yourself. You know everyone there, and you have common interests. In this way, dating within your friend group is unlike dating apps or blind dating, which tend to require a lot of trial and error due to a lack of familiarity. When you date within your friend group, you have time for your crush to develop naturally, at your own pace. Since my now-boyfriend and I spent copious amounts of time together in group settings, we had more casual access to one another. Since we were already comfortable with each other, we could already be unfiltered together.
Dating within a friend group, however, isn’t without its challenges. Something worth acknowledging is that starting a relationship can (and likely will) change the group dynamic. When I shared the news with my friends, I didn’t receive much support initially, which was tough. It was a shame to not feel comfortable sharing in the excitement of a potential new relationship with my friends. It was hard for them, too; they were apprehensive about the group dynamic, and the individual relationships within it, changing. There can be a tendency when entering a relationship to spend time either with the whole group or just you and your partner, which can cause your close friends to feel neglected. Although my boyfriend and I have been dating for months, I still check in regularly with my friends to ensure that they feel acknowledged and loved. It is important to be even more intentional about time with those friends.
When starting a relationship in your friend group, it is wise to consider the worst-case scenario. If you break up, things can get weird, which may prompt you to have to navigate a new social scene. This may mean having to get a new friend group to avoid the discomfort of being around your ex, or not getting invited to things because your ex doesn’t want you there. So, unlike other flirtations or hookups, dating within your friend group carries more weight because of its impact on your social life.
With all that being said, in my experience, these relationships have been the most rewarding because of the care and consideration invested from the start. If you’ve acknowledged and considered all the consequences, and in the end, you’ve decided that the connection is worth it, go for it. Do not be discouraged from embarking on a relationship within your friend group. While it is worth approaching with care and communication, it might just turn out to be the most rewarding relationship of all. Good luck!
XOXO,
Dill & Doe