As a self-diagnosed hopeless romantic, there’s nothing I love more than a fat, juicy crush. That heart-racing, palms-sweating, cheeks-reddening rush. Catching their eye across the dining hall, brushing past them on a sidewalk, stumbling over your words, suddenly finding yourself aware of their exact position in every room— I live for those butterflies. But with that excitement can come a healthy dose of nerves and self-doubt.
Let me tell you about my friend from high school; let’s call her Carrie. She was stunning, a super-talented volleyball player, and wicked smart. But our sweet Carrie didn’t realize this, especially when it came to her love life. Because she didn’t consider herself the absolute queen that she was, she would hook up with guys only because of the attention they gave her. It broke my heart to see her zooming in on Snap Maps, checking her phone constantly for a text back, and getting so broken up over men that she didn’t even really like. The lack of reassurance would completely shake her sense of self and worthiness every time; it didn’t matter that it had happened before.
If you find yourself taking more pleasure in the validation you receive from securing someone’s attention than the actual romantic encounters and flirty banter you have with them, you might be chasing a more temporary form of being wanted. This can be fulfilling for a short time but is ultimately superficial and fleeting. It’s okay to just be looking for something casual—no one is saying you have to get married anytime soon—but it’s also important to remember that there are other forms of attraction and interaction that can be equally, if not more, satisfying. The ability to appeal to others is not something you can guarantee and having confidence in yourself is the key to relatively stress-free crushes. We know you’re hot, you know you’re hot, and if you get ghosted you can take it as an opportunity to move on to bigger, better things.
Your value as a person is not dependent on whether Baseball Ben has texted you back, whether Artsy Axel wrote you a song, or whether Lacrosse Lando smiled at you in Pi today. Trust me: you’re a total catch. With all these confusing forms of casual relationships, the key is not letting it get to your head. Plus, as we said last week, relationships aren’t everything and it’s important to balance your romantic endeavors with the rest of your life. We know this is sometimes easier said than done, but remember, it’s supposed to be fun.
Dill & Doe