Based on the New York Times’ “Metropolitan Diaries,” the Middletown Diaries will include awkward, funny, novel, or sweet anecdotes, stories, and memories that happen at Wesleyan and in Middletown. To submit to the Middletown Diaries, please email email@example.com.
The scene begins: I was at lunch, patiently waiting to tell the person at the sandwich line what I wanted. I looked around, and then resorted to do what I do when I don’t feel like participating in the madness that is the Usdan social scene at lunchtime—I check my email. I was met with two new emails: one from Tom McLarney reassuring us that coronavirus was not at Wesleyan, and another from a Ms. Dayna Baldwin:
Many fans of fapping on adult websites some time receive my message!
What ur loved ones are gonna say when they see the videotape of u tickling ur knob…I’m very interested in their response to it!
My application has also got access to ur social networking sites and enquiries from your mail (they are all copied).
I am a non-resident therefore don’t waste your time reporting to legal bodies, it’s hopeless.
The single solution in the case is to destinate 5.5 Dash coins to the wallet XtHVEDvsQc5iw9vMKtswmTs8rAyeFmYioX within twenty-four hours and then I will sweep off all the disgraceful leverage on you.
I offer you 24 h to pay for my silence (I’ll be notified that u opened the message)!
If you don’t carry out these demands I will annihilate ur reputation in front of your closest people, within 48 hours all your leverage will be sent to your contacts and ur social networking sites.
There’s no need to write me, this electronic-mail is hacked and soon the access to it will be denied.
I could not believe my eyes. Not only was I supposedly hacked, but my reputation was at stake of being annihilated! As someone who has no knowledge of Dash coin, it seems unlikely that I will be able to transfer the money in time. There goes my public image, dashed upon the ground of the Usdan dining hall.
It is quite a depressing feeling to return to campus, hoping eagerly for something to be in your mailbox and have there be absolutely nothing. I would take a scammy flyer, or even a shiny catalogue: items which usually go straight into the recycling when they come through the mail at home. But to open your WesBox, and for there to be nothing—just the dreadful sight of a small, empty metal box staring back at you—is disappointing indeed.
Perhaps it is my romantic nature, but to have mail feels like a physical reminder of my existence. When I receive a letter, it feels like an extraordinary manifestation of a friend’s thoughts. There is also no better medium in which to tell stories than that of a letter. Maybe I should be glad that I am not getting bombarded by phone books and IRS audits for the sake of the trees, but that “Hey how are you doing?” text truly does not have the same impact as a postcard with the same intention.
If you’re reading this, write your friends a postcard. The worst you could do is make their day.
Coming back to campus from break is always a strange feeling. It doesn’t make it easier that this break was almost seven times longer than Fall or Thanksgiving Break.
Seasons have completely changed. The last time I saw Wes it had been barren, but upon returning the ground was completely covered in snow. Good thing I brought my snow boots from home.
There are so many new faces. Whether returning from abroad or just transferring in, half the people I see are strangers. Not to mention, there’s a certain emptiness left by those who have gone abroad, or graduated early.
I’m a chronically nostalgic person; I’m one who loves to think about the past. I have found myself constantly thinking back to last semester, wishing things were the same.
But then I realize: last semester got monotonous. It was—and still is—so easy to get stuck in a constant cycle. Class, meals at Usdan (or Swings if you’re trying to splurge), TA sessions, various meetings. Repeat. Every week was the same. Although having some sort of routine is helpful for staying grounded, I’ve found some of the most fun I’ve had in college comes from taking chances and straying from my normal.
So here’s to changing things up,