Dearest Wesleyan Community. The time has arrived. To my freshmen friends, colleagues, and readers, I welcome you to the first finals season of your college careers. You have probably heard your older friends and family members talk about their difficulties in finals seasons past, and they may have exacerbated your fears for what the next week-and-a-half or so have in store for you. As your trusted Opinion Editor—and as a senior entering his final semester of college—it is, perhaps, my job to assuage your fears and give you the light pat on the back that your professors and more stressed-out friends either do not have the time, or do not care, to give you. And sure, I could do that and say, “chill.”
But I would be lying to myself if I did that. Perhaps, throughout this past week, I have been frenetically trying to plan each minute of my time in order to maximize work utility. Perhaps, I have been failed to do this completely, bogged down by the sheer weight of the seemingly insurmountable amount of work that awaits. And perhaps, I have not had the time to write Argus articles (Argticles, for short) in the comfort in my room at normal hours, but instead, curled up on the floor of Olin as PSafe gets ready to do rounds and close up the place.
This Argticle could exist entirely as a hodgepodge of meaningless laments, as I rattle off a series of platitudes that have been repeated to death by every college student in America in the past week. And I assure you, that would also be an awesome Argticle—a cathartic rant of epic proportions. I could feasibly complain about a wide host of things you’d never think of, ranging from: a lack of sleep, the snow, finding out that my home has run out of bacon, Season 3 of “The Crown,” Cardigan Welsh Corgis, Belgium, etc.
Or, as your trusted Opinion Editor, I can highlight for you some gems: Wesleyan’s unappreciated study locations, places that, in these times of sorrow and misery, can bring creative latitude and that extra boost you might need. These are tried and true, proven and tested, all by yours truly.
So, instead of cycling through banal complaints about life, school, and Season 2 of “The Crown,” I would like to take time to say thank you to Wesleyan’s greatest study locales.
Oh, Pi. What would I do without you? Well, probably not be awake to write the words you are currently reading. At this point, I’m probably just a walking advertisement for Pi (time for a raise perhaps, Gary?). Yet, I would surely be enjoying a 12-hour nap for now, if it were not for a double shot with iced coffee on top of it. With long tables, smoothies, an Alexa that more often than not plays nice music, and enough food and coffee to make you through finals week, Pi—on some evenings—seems like an oasis in the desert, a needle in a haystack. Maybe those comfy chairs could use some outlets next to them, but hey, who’s perfect? Well, I guess the hot coffee could be tastier, too. Still! With ambient music, and Noosa yoghurt plentiful, that seven-page paper writes itself. Well, not really, but it sure helps. To Pi I say, thank you (and really, a raise would be nice, Gary).
Oh, Allbritton. What would I do without you? In times when SciLi just feels a bit too loud, and Olin feels a bit too quiet, Allbritton is that third bowl of porridge from Goldilocks. Sure, the building’s interior design is a bit funky. Sure, it’s easy to fall asleep on some of those weird couches in the alcoves. And sure, the elevator is a bit slow. But there’s just something about Allbritton, as you pass those enormous doors, that screams at you: get your shit done. As you look to cram for your Chemistry final, or turn in that Math problem set from 5 weeks ago that you forgot to do, maybe look for a hidden corner of Allbritton. To Allbritton I say, thank you.
Wild, right? But oh, Usdan. What would I do without you? Sometimes you need that extra kick, motivational speech from “The Mighty Ducks,” 16-ounce can of Red Bull to pull through and finish your work. Usdan can be just that fixer-upper, without the price tag that comes with Red Bull Wings. Whether you are a loud side or quiet side type of person, it’s easy to sometimes just get lost and watch the people roll by, as you make full use of your meal swipes and avoid energy depletion by going for that fourth ice cream cone. Hey, its final season. We all deserve it. If you are the type of person that needs a tinge of chaos from time to time to get things done, Usdan is your guy. To Usdan, you really do not look as cool as MoCon, but I say, thank you.
As you start planning for that 20-page research essay due in 3 hours, or study for a cumulative final for a class you skipped 14 times, remember that Wesleyan’s architectural energy is at your disposal. If you really need that extra extra boost, you can always look up Matsuoka Shuzo [松岡修造 ] – あきらめかけているあなた (NEVER GIVE UP!!) [English] on YouTube.
Tobias Wertime can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.