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Usdan Hacks is an ongoing column helping you navigate the ins and outs of dining at Wesleyan.

Not everyone is cut out for Usdan brunch. It takes a certain amount of dedication to interrupt a deep Saturday or Sunday slumber, pull yourself out of bed and make the trek to Usdan University Center. So, for those who are able to pull off this tremendous feat and make it to brunch, expect some payoff. Oftentimes, the eggs and (seitan) bacon may get a bit tiresome. Sometimes, even the waffle station is not even enough to provoke excitement. However, the Usdan Survival Guide is here to once again prove that there is much to be found if you just get a bit resourceful. The following dish, what I like to call The Breakfast Sandwich Bagel Supreme (BSBS for short), may not be as widely praised as a Swings Pail or the bottomless coffee at O’Rourke’s Diner, but it warrants equal recognition. BSBS is a rendition of the classic breakfast bagel sandwich, fine-tuned to the resources that Usdan has at the ready.

Warning: It takes a certain combination of luck and skill to craft the delicacy. Do not be discouraged if the BSBS does not come out exactly as you planned the first time.

1. Try to get to Usdan brunch before or after the morning rush. This means either being among the first in line upon the 11 a.m. opening, or arrive sometime after 12:45 p.m.
2. Head to the conveyor belt toaster and pop in an everything bagel (it is vital that you choose an everything bagel, but, if you must, a sesame bagel will suffice).
3. Dash over to the Classics section and ask for a heaping serving of cheesy eggs and either bacon, seitan bacon or sausage, depending on your preference.
4. This is where timing becomes essential. Jog back to the toaster and hopefully, if timed to perfection, your bagel will pop out of the oven just as you make it back over.
5. Place the bagel onto your plate and scoop the cheesy eggs onto one half of the bagel. For those of you who know how to eat eggs, squirt a generous helping of ketchup on the eggs. Top the sandwich off with the meat or seitan and place the top half of the bagel on top.
6. Head to the panini press and place the sandwich in the press for roughly one to three minutes.  
7. Grab a glass and fill it 3/4 full of ice. Add hot coffee until full. Cold brew is not a suitable replacement.
8. Take a seat on the side of your choice and take a bite into your BSBS.

Do not feel like the instructions outlined above must be stringently followed. Many may like to substitute the fillings for cream cheese and cold cuts, while others may like to add avocado (bring some from Weshop). The significance of the Breakfast Sandwich Bagel Supreme is not to be undermined. The BSBS provides fuel for anything and everything the rest of your day might entail.

Disclaimer: The Argus at large does not endorse the author’s strange and troubling opinions regarding Usdan coffee.

Claudia Stagoff-Belfort can be reached at cstagoffbelf@wesleyan.edu.