Is it just me, or does this school have a weird obsession with grilled cheese? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a classic, all-American sandwich that so rarely does you wrong. But when you look at the sheer amount of grilled cheese options there are on and off campus, it gets to be pretty overwhelming.

Here’s a breakdown of the most popular, well-known grilled cheeses at Wesleyan.

Usdan

Pros: Simple, reliable, delicious. There’s not a whole lot to the Usdan grilled cheese beside a white Kraft single smothered between two toasted pieces of white bread. Plus extra butter. And more grease. In any case, the no-frills quality of this grilled cheese means there’s not a whole lot to hate about it. Can you eat lactose and gluten? Do you like to chow down on melted lactose in between two pieces of crunchy gluten? Then great, you will like this grilled cheese.

Cons: All of that being said, why anyone would wait in the middle of Usdan for this grilled cheese to come out is beyond me. Are the lentils in the vegan line really that bad? Do you have to spend 5 minutes waiting for a sandwich that, with a bit of resourcefulness and creativity, you could easily recreate yourself in the Usdan panini press?

Also, the downside of being a simple creature is that this grilled cheese is also pretty boring. And greasy. Like, five napkins’ worth of grease.

WesWings

Pros: This grilled cheese takes the In-N-Out business model by being straightforward, but with a few options. If you so choose, you can get your Swings grilled cheese with tomato, bacon, and/or avocado on it (a BACT, if you will). You can even get it on a grinder roll or, if you’re Satan, a tortilla wrap. See? Options make everyone happy.

Cons: If the Usdan grilled cheese is a five-napkin affair, then this is easily a ten-napkin one. And yes, I know part of the charm of grilled cheese is all that grease. But be wary of when the cheese-to-grease ratio gets off-balance. Also, be prepared for bread that’s on the well-done side of things. No offense to you, Swings – you still have breakfast pails and mozz sticks, and that’s all a person could ask for.

Red & Black

Pros: A wide variety of special grilled cheeses, to compliment the wide variety of sandwiches in general! They also have a wide variety of tasty soups to go with your grilled cheese. And in terms of on-campus dining, this is some of the best bread you’ll find.

Cons: The “toppings” are never very sufficient; expect exactly one leaf of spinach or one piece of ham. Also, so much muenster and Swiss! Why is it always muenster and Swiss???

Star & Crecsent (regular)

Pros: This is the kind you get on tomato soup days. Chef Ryan keeps this one simple, too, but with high-quality cheese and bread. It’s ooey and gooey and mostly a vehicle for all that tomato soup, which is also pretty tasty. Be sure to save room for dessert!

Cons: Sometimes, on its journey to your table, the grilled cheese slips into the tomato soup, and then you have to decide if you want to attempt to eat the soggy grilled cheese with your hands or break it up into little pieces and eat it in the soup. Both options aren’t necessarily unpleasant, but both are highly unnatural.

Star & Crescent (gourmet)

Pros: On certain Wednesdays, the S&C cranks out “gourmet” grilled cheeses with gruyere, caramelized onion, green apple, and your choice of bacon or soy bacon. If you go for fancy-shmancy sandwiches, you’ll love to sink your teeth into this one.

Cons: Extremely filling. I see people order two of these things all the time and the “oh no baby what! is you doing?” meme flashes in my head. Also, not everyone who wants the veggie option likes soy bacon. Go figure.

Whey Station

Pros: Perhaps the most notorious grilled cheese on campus, the one that alums pine for even after they’ve been off-campus for five years. If you’re hit with the drunchies on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night (or if you’re waltzing around Middletown in the daytime when a big event’s happening), this beloved food truck is there to satisfy your hunger. Whether you go for the classic Monger, the sophisticated Caprese or Ella, the scintillating Katy Perry, or one of the many sandwich monstrosities featuring mozz sticks, there’s a grilled cheese here for everyone.

Cons: These sandwiches ain’t cheap. Please don’t let your drunk self spend $15 every weekend night on a grilled cheese and some bacon fries.

That weird dorm kitchen concoction you made when you were drunk/high at 2 a.m.

Pros: Who knows? Your inebriated science experiment could turn out to be the best thing you’ve ever eaten.

Cons: It could also be the worse. And potentially dangerous. And will probably end up setting off the fire alarm in your entire dorm complex.