Dear Blargonauts (yeah, that just happened),

As power shifts over to the new Blargus team, expect some great, bountiful changes (“He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor.” Proverbs 22:9). In this metaphor, consider me the person who gives bread (clips from the Maury show) and you are the poor (people who haven’t yet seen these clips); I hate to already ruin destroy debase this wonderful site, but I think a nice Maury retrospective fits perfectly above Jared’s religion column.

For the record: we do have some changes coming, so expect those in the coming week or so. And for the time being, enjoy this wonder look back on the best of the Maury show.

The first clip I want to introduce to you is my favorite of a special segment called “Who’s Your Daddy” or “Paternity Test” or “People Of Different Sexes Yelling Totally Incoherent Things At Each Other” (Well, that actually describes the show in its entirety, so I guess it counts…). Basically, in this clip, a young couple split up a couple of years ago, and the man, Terry, want’s visitation rights for the woman, Hope’s son, Armani. Hope, however, argues that Terry is not Armani’s father, and has in fact been stalking the family, putting pictures of the child on his MySpace page, and all over his house. Terry contends that he does this because he loves his child. Let’s take a peek:

In this next clip, arguably one of the most famous of all time, a young girl argues that she should have a child. Her life-dream is to be on “Girls Gone Wild,” and to have a baby. She has apparently tried to have a child over 300 times, and is currently sleeping with 3 different guys, though she is only 15. Her mother wants her to stop behaving like this, but her daughter will not accept any changes in her lifestyle. Let’s keep on:

Finally, I will leave you with probably the greatest clip in the history of this eye-opening show. Like the psychoanalyst he is, Maury invites various people with debilitating phobias onto the show, and then attempts to cure them. Unfortunately, Maury’s attempts produce tragic results, with various people becoming quite viscerally upset. Let’s take a peek:

However, through the POWER OF HYPNOSIS, he CURES all of them. Well, kind of. Let’s take a gander:

I’m glad that I’ve gotten to start you off with this wonderfully classy post, and I hope you come back to the Blargus in the future. I promise, as your friendly, neighborhood Blargus editor, that we will maintain a classy, wonderfully artistic, content-filled site, that will be updated regularly, and will be a wonderful forum for student debate, discussion, and Maury.

Cheers,

Gabe Lezra
Blargus Editor

About Gabe Lezra

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon those with great vengeance and with furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. Ezekiel 25-17.