In light of the recent controversy surrounding one of our more prolific writers and face of Swine Flu on campus, it’s the least we can do to bring to light other terrifying epidemics that have been created either by the media or by super-villains. We also feel that it is our duty to bring more attention to these epidemics, and to the poor people who have suffered from them.

10. Multiculturalism
The great trick of the liberal establishment, this epidemic currently infects more than one million people a year.

9. SARS
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome never really made it to North America—yet.

8. Colonialism
The great threat of our time.

7. The Plague of Hugs
More and more children are turning to this sickening display of affection, putting their parents and friends in danger. There has been a huge media uproar, which has slowly stemmed the tide in a war that we seem unlikely to win.

6. Anthrax
Osama bin Laden currently owns the world’s entire stock of anthrax. Case closed.

5. Swine Flu
WE”RE ALL AT RISK. FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

4. Rainbow Parties
These horrifying creations are due to the collapse of moral America. Much like Kanye West and Lady Gaga, Rainbow Parties represent the worst, most sickening part of our inner psyche.

3. Avian Flu
With a 99.99% fatality rate, this particular virus could spell the downfall of humanity.

2. The War on Christmas
The amoral, anti-Christian liberal media has conspired to destroy Christmas for all the God-fearing middle-class people. Shame on them.

1. Arsenic in Water
We might already be dead because we’ve been being poisoned for our entire lives…