In honor of WesFest weekend, “Unsolicited Advice on How to Spend Your Time” presents the Top 5 things to do as a Prefrosh at Wesleyan.

5. Go to Class

4. Take a Tour

3. Explore Wesleyan

2. Chill with your parents

1. Go to Mass 

PSYCH! Can you imagine? 

Friday: This weekend is a logistical nightmare—there’re too many awesome events to go to, and just not enough time to be drunk for all of them. So, buy a CamelBak, fill it with a mixture of Grain Alcohol (198 proof), blue Gatorade, and Red Bull, and get ready to run—all weekend. The thing about listening to Alvin Lucier: Glacier, Solo for Cello, is that it’ll be awesome sober, but it’ll be INCREDIBLE high. Seriously, the man teaches Intro to Experimental Music—you figure it out. Either way, head over to Crowell at 12 p.m. for the show. Chill on the hill until 9 p.m., when you should attack the Gag Reflex show in the Nic Lounge. Spend the time between 10 p.m. and 11 p.m. debating what food to buy (see Death Match). Try not to hit on Dylan Marron too much during Ridgefield Middle School Talent Nite at 11 p.m., in the WestCo Café. It’ll be hard, though.

 

Saturday:  Drop acid. And look at this picture: 

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Doesn’t that totally look like a person? 

 

Sunday: Figure out where you are, and where you left your dignity.