In “High School Musical,” Zac Efron sings to his beloved Vanessa Hudgens: “You know the world can see us / In a way that’s different than who we are.” As opposed to the Jonas brothers, with their scarves and perfectly moussed hair, Zac Efron doesn’t need to make sense—he has money, sex (something the Jonas Brothers don’t have), and talent. Arguing as you are, Rob, that the Jonas brothers are better than Zac Efron is as absurd as arguing that Creed is better than Will Smith: not only is Zac Efron (Will Smith) hotter and more talented than the Jonas brothers (Creed), he could also beat the shit out of them.


First of all, Zac has the looks: unlike the scarf-clad pre-teen Jonas brothers, he was featured in People magazine’s 100 Most Beautiful People in 2007. His dreamy eyes grace many a pre-teen (and teen) girl’s (and guy’s) bedroom, and his two-dimensional poster lips have been kissed more times over the past few years than could possibly be documented. Magazine clippings of his topless form are tacked to walls and taped to lockers across the nation; not only do the Jonas brothers not have bodies to merit this worship, they don’t have the courage to share their skin with the world.


More importantly, though, Zac Efron has talent. I’m not saying that the Jonas brothers are talent-less, only that they sound better when Joe Jonas isn’t singing—which is kind of unfortunate for a band built around their lead singer. Zac has mastered two separate arts—acting and singing—which means that he’s mastered two more than the Jonas brothers. Come on, the dude presented a Teen Choice Award with Queen fucking Latifah—how much more can you want in life?


When it comes down to it, though, the only thing that matters at all is that Zac Efron could kill every single one of the Jonas Brothers simultaneously in hand to hand combat. Instead of arguing about who’s “hotter” or “more talented,” we should recognize that none of that shit matters when your face is getting kicked in. And that is where we see the real difference between Zac Efron and the Jonas brothers—simply put, the Jonas brothers, like the California state legislature, are girly-men. Zac Efron would tie each one of them to the ceiling by their designer scarves and let them hang there to die in a sexless, talentless stupor. 

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