Friday: Skip class today and drink, because you’ll need it: Black Friday is opening at 9 p.m. in the ’92 Theater, and you won’t be able to stand the intensity otherwise. Seriously. Think Harrison Ford being thrown hundreds of miles by a nuclear explosion in a refrigerator while masturbating—that’s what Sam Ottinger and Ross Shenker’s production will feel like. After that, you’ll need to stop feeling obliterated and at awesome instead: chug a Red Bull and attack the Asian Pop Dance Party at AAA house. That shit will be SO cash.

Saturday: So you don’t remember last night? That’s actually OK. Sneak out of the room you “crashed” in, and head straight back to fucking Black Friday at 2 p.m., in the ’92 Theater—it’ll cure your hangover.  You’ll probably want to mope around for the rest of the afternoon. Do so. Don’t give up on life, though—today is Flick Off a Stranger Day. Make sure to give one person the middle finger on your walk over to Eurydice, at 8 p.m. in the ’92 Theater (but don’t let the person take your money–this show costs $4-5 and is totally worth it). End the night in WestCo Café, chilling and devouring free ice cream with Dear Lamp at 10:30.

Sunday: Spend the day alternately sleeping and deciding which type of Vodka to chase your Percocet with—thanks, Sam and Ross. (Disclaimer: do not take Percocet with alcohol. You will die). Alternatively: spend the day making your room 100% “fire-safe,” because fire safety’s narcotics inspections begin shortly.