Me: So remember that time when I promised you that we would like totally pull through for you on this calendar?
You: Well, yeah, of course I do. It was only last week.
Me: Right. So tell me, did we or did we not do like a totally phat job?
You: Well, I guess. But it seems super-educational. Like tonight, you’re playing some movie based on a Jane Austen novel, and then tomorrow you’re bringing two people who’re gonna teach us how make it in Hollywood or whatever. And then next week you’re playing “Toy Story 2,” which is like a history lesson and a documentary? Ick.
Me: Not even! First of all, tonight’s movie is like totally classic:

CLUELESS
1995. USA. Dir: Amy Heckerling.  97 min.
Friday, Feb. 6, 8 PM. $5

First of all, it’s about sex. And that reminds boys of sex. Second of all, the main girl has totally bangin’ outfits.

Oh, also? Like meeting Dana Delany and Janet Grillo isn’t going to be totally cool. Puh-lease.

An EVENING with DANA DELANY and JANET GRILLO with a screening of the short FLYING LESSONS
2008. USA. Dir: Janet Grillo.  15 min.
Saturday, Feb. 7, 8 PM. FREE

…‘Cause, hello? They’re two totally successful women working in  Hollywood, which means they’ve got to be badass, and also, ‘cause  they’re still friends after working together, which believe me, is also totally an accomplishment. And the short that they’re showing is supposed to be totally sweet, and it’s gotten all this attention from screenwriting awards and stuff.

I know, you’re like, whatever, but Janet Grillo studied acting at Wes and was good at it. Then she decided that maybe she wanted to be in charge, so she worked her way up to be like the VP at New Line, and then like decided whatever, I’m gonna do it by myself, so she went off and produced all these movies on her own and like totally helped all these young directors get going and workshopped all these projects and then she decided,you know what? I also want to write and direct. So she wrote this short and cast Dana Delany in it, and directed it, and now she’s bringing it for us to watch, and that is definitely the best part. And Dana Delany is also totally like a Monet professionally because she’s totally a Betty and you’re thinking, like, okay, “Desperate Housewives” is pretty cool, but Delany did tons more work before anybody even thought about boning the gardener. Like, did you know that she played Lois Lane? Oh, wait, and she was also Batman’s girlfriend? How about the fact that she still does the voice of Lois Lane on “Justice  League” now? Plus, she started out in the theater, she won two Emmys for this TV show “China Beach” and now she’s reinvented herself again on this primetime super-successful TV show. Like, hello? I want to learn everything these women have to teach me. Like especially what Mel Gibson looks like up close.

You: Whoa. You just talked, like, a whole lot. And you didn’t even get to next week.

Me: OMG, sorry. What is this, like my column or something?Next week, you should totally make a cameo at:

TOY STORY 2
1999. USA. Dir: John Lasseter.  92 min.
Wednesday, Feb. 11, 8 PM. $5

It’s way existential. Plus, it’s like the first really awesome Pixar  movie, and it stands up to the test of time like you wouldn’t expect.  Like way better than the first one.

And then on Thursday, you’d have to be a total space cadet to miss the beginning of our documentary  series:

ORDER OF MYTHS (to be followed by a Q&A with filmmaker Margaret Brown)
2008. USA. Dir: Margaret Brown.  97 min.
Thursday, Feb. 12, 8 PM. FREE

The film is about Mardi Gras  (read: party!) and the racial ramifications of the traditions of Southern culture. The filmmaker is coming to talk and, given the subject matter, you should expect to be totally rapt. Also, def check out Scott’s column for the 411 on that.

Okay, I can’t do this anymore. But I’m still really psyched for “Clueless” tonight. And hopefully you aren’t boycotting the Film Series after this column.