Celebrity has always had a place in powerful administrations. Allow me to remind you of President Ronald Reagan, Senator Bill Bradley, and County Dogcatcher Scott Baio. But why must celebrities be limited to politics when there is an entire world of higher education? Thus, I propose that Wesleyan University hires the Wu-tang Clan as deans of this fine institution. The benefits would be manifold:

1. Deans often perform a dual role as professor, allowing a broadening of the course catalogue. Think about it, Wesleyan would gain eight new, and highly qualified professors (plus Cappadonna could TA). At least one of them is a genius! Not only would our already star-studded music department benefit but we would also be able to offer new classes in philosophy (He’s a Socratic Method man), theater, urban studies and kungfu. Inspectah Deck is world renowned for his work with Scotland Yard (Inspector Inspectah Deck), the Middletown Zoning Committee (Fire safety inspecting, mostly), and pants (Inspectahed by no. 12). Plus Raekwon has shown enthusiasm about working alongside Delmar Crim.

2. These men are very experienced fundraisers. Cash Rules Everything Around Them. They’ve raised millions for themselves. Of course, some people say they’ve “earned” millions for themselves but really that’s just semantics. I see no reason why they couldn’t earn money for us.

3. Great possibilities for Spring Fling. These guys know a lot of people within the industry. They’re like the Jeanine Basingers of the music world. No longer will we have to suffer through acts such as ’gza’. Who’s ever heard of gza? How do you even pronounce that?

4.I know the nickname “Wes” has become engrained in us but just go with me for a minute. Imagine how appropriate it would be to start calling Wesleyan University, “The WU.” Who wouldn’t want to go to a school known for its killer bees, both of the insect and spelling variety.

5. We’re always talking about what our peer institutions are doing. Well if Amherst was going to make Slick Rick the president of the college, would our new deans somehow become justified? Probably.