MIDDLETOWN- SWAT teams stormed the house of Middletown resident, God, following allegations of child molestation on Sunday night. The Almighty was accused of three counts of sexual abuse last week. God was held at the Middlesex County Jail where the $150,000 bail was immediately posted with a Mastercard.

The children’s names are currently being withheld. Although, it has been confirmed that they are local Elementary School students. The charges were brought up by their School Guidance Counselor, Charles Deabla.

“The children came into my office stating that, ‘God had filled them with his spirit,’” said Deabla. “Now I’m not too sure about all of the latest lingo going around in the sandbox but it did not sound good. I felt obligated to report it to the police.”

God’s stance on sex offenders has been long known but that did not curb the severity of the charges. “We had to investigate,” said Police Chief Dick Stockton. “Remember, no one thought OJ did it but things had to be looked into. It’s our job and we don’t want sickos free to walk the Earth, even if they created it.”

However, not everyone echoed this sentiment. Local resident and creepy mustache aficionado, Michael Georges, believed that the rampant allegations should never have been looked into. Declaring, “God made diamonds; God made pearls; but best of all, he made eight year old girls.” Everyone was grossed out.

God refused to comment but longtime spokesman, Reverend Billy Zane released this statement: “Really, guys? Really? Come on now.” Yesterday, a similar message was issued by Rabbi David Stern, “Mazel tov! You guys are schmucks.”

One of the children has been reported saying, “Yeah, that’s not what we meant. At all. Good job, grownups.” They have moved to drop all of the charges.