MIDDLETOWN – Wesleyan University fraternity men are taking the time to honor one of the city’s fallen geriatrics.

Every week the brothers of the Psi Upsilon fraternity at Wesleyan hold a massive festivity with a large display as the centerpiece. This week, the rager is in honor of the Mildred Fessenbottom, an elderly woman who had fallen out of her wheelchair in front of Psi U and was unable to get up.

Fessenbottom, a 82-year old former lighthouse operator and member of Middletown Women’s Contact Bridge Team aka “The Cheap Tricks”, crashed her wheelchair on February 16th due to the icy sidewalk of High Street.

The purely serendipitous occasion of Fessenbottom’s fall will serve as a chance for the brothers and their guests to watch a hemorrhaging geriatric spit blood and see all the pennies that she was saving to hand out for Halloween roll from her change purse. Only select individuals, mostly brothers and girls that are easy to get to get drunk and take advantage of, are invited to witness the site. However, the brothers plan on sending a tape of Fessenbottom’s actions during the party to America’s Funniest Home Videos so her family and Wesleyan can enjoy.

Also invited to the exclusive event is the Mayor. When he was asked about Ms. Fessenbottom’s unfortunate fall he responded, “Who the fuck is that?” and then preceded to step over her convulsing body to question the boys whether there would be beirut at the party.

“It is a way to support and provide entertainment to the community,” said the president of the Xi Chapter Of Psi Upsilon. The Xi Chapter has been interested in documenting the misfortunes of the elderly since 1843 when they beat up an old man for hard candy.

The President continued, “this is part of our fraternity’s lineage” and “is something that I am proud of.” He was especially reminiscent about a Psi U reunion where he and his brothers blindfolded and dropped off a member of the class of ’40 in South America.

However, the brothers acknowledge that it is different in the case of Fessenbottom. “We hate old people,” one brother said. “but when she dies the spectacle will surely be missed.”

All 63 brothers of the frat are expected to drink their weight in alcohol and place a keg on Fessenbottom’s body. They will then make a bong out of her portable oxygen tank and steal her social security number, obtain a credit card in her name, and buy indentured servants from five continents in order to make around the world parties more authentic.

All in all this is going to be a gala event. Black ties only. Food and drink will be provided. There will be a sacrifice of Morley Safer and pony rides in the backyard.