After much debate and research, scientists have concluded that the “Hebrew-Money Gene” is pure schlock. “It took me 10 years and over a hundred million dollars, but I can now confidently say that Jews are, in fact, not genetically linked with money,” said geneticist Frank Cummings.

Originally proposed by Palestinian scientist Mohammad Abbas, the “Hebrew-Money Gene” has sparked much controversy across the globe. Abbas advised for immediate action against the gene, which gave people of Jewish descent an “insatiable lust for gold, silver, and the blood of all Palestinians”. The Palestinian government, after fifteen minutes of deliberation, decided to take force against this “threat to humanity”. However, their plans were put on hold for undisclosed reasons.

Since then, Cummings has decided to get to the bottom of this schmutz. “Abbas’ hypothesis opened my eyes – maybe there was a link. I looked into the matter and was shocked to discover that there was already research on the genetics of the Jewish people, but it abruptly stopped in 1945. Who knows what caused such an anomaly.”

Even though he has given the world the truth behind the “Hebrew-Money Gene”, Cummings still has his hardships. “I get criticized a lot for spending so much money on this project, and I have to remind people: genetics was no where near as advanced 10 years ago as it is today. How were we to know Abbas’ proposal would turn up bubkes? Someone had to get their hands dirty. ” Cummings is a frontrunner for the Nobel Prize in science later this year.

However, molecular biologist and actor Mel Gibson strongly opposes Cummings’ research. “Oh please. Everyone knows that the Jews control the media, the government, and science. Especially science.” Gibson has already begun new research on a self-proposed “Hebrew-Satan Gene”.