On September 2, 2075, Wesleyan’s first annual banquet for students of an intolerant nature was held. Declared Wesleyan’s smallest and most marginalized group in 2015, intolerant students have fought for their rights for over sixty years. For many Wesleyan students, the banquet was just another boring orientation event, but to racist, homophobic, classist, and robophobic students, the banquet represented the beginning of a better life at Wesleyan.
The banquet was sponsored by the SIN (Students of an Intolerant Nature) Society. SIN meets weekly in the Smith Reading Room at Olin Library. Meetings serve as a safe space for students to share their stories, experiences, and preferred racial slurs. At the first meeting every year, freshmen are invited to introduce themselves. One freshman member of SIN, who wished not to be identified, stated that the only people he hated more than Mexicans are people who dress up like anime and video-game characters and go to conventions.
Cosplay Society co-presidents Alicia “Katt Monroe” Williams and John “Falco Lombardi” Carlson stoutly defended their right to dress up in large, fuzzy Star Fox costumes. “Our costumes are an expression of our love for each other,” Monroe declared. “Anyone who tries to take that away from us is worse than Star Wolf.” Added Lombardi, “Something’s wrong with the G-diffuser!”
The SIN banquet began with speeches. “Intolerance does not contradict equality,” Katherine Jones, president of the SIN Society, proclaimed in her speech. “I tolerate gays just as little as I tolerate blacks. I hate the Chinese just as much as I hate robots.” She paused at this point in her speech. “Well, to be honest, I hate the Japanese population here slightly more than I hate the Hispanic population. But that doesn’t mean that I would use a disproportionate number of racial slurs on either one!”
More moving than Jones’s speech, however, was the speech of sophomore Jake Kensington. He opened with a 15-minute presentation of his plan to deport midgets and French people to New Zealand. Tears began streaming down his face when he spoke of his hope for the future. “I dream of a world without midgets, the French, or Native Americans, where I will no longer be persecuted for my beliefs of Aryan superiority. A world in which I can find a Nordic wife, settle down, and have children. I pray that one day, my children will live in a world where they will not be persecuted just because they habitually hurl rotten tomatoes at Jews.” Kensington received a standing ovation.