Dear Wesleyan Connection Readers,

We regret to have to inform you of a reprehensible event that has occurred on our campus. It has recently come to our attention that the Hasidic Jews who are so often outside of Davenport Campus Center are guilty of racial profiling. We first became aware of this when Shlomo Goldsteinberg ’10 emailed Dean of Diversity Danny Teraguchi last week to complain.

Goldsteinberg wrote, “I was terribly hurt that the Hasidic Jews didn’t approach me. I am a full-fledged, Bar Mitzvah’ed Jew, and I expect to be bugged by them. Clearly, this is an instance of racial profiling, something I never thought I would see here at Wesleyan. I was walking by and they totally ignored me. No, worse yet, they scoffed. Just because I look like a boy straight out of Hitler’s wet dream doesn’t mean I don’t want to be asked to go pray in that little hut thingy.”

Goldsteinberg is not alone in his sentiment. Others have expressed their disapproval of this sort of behavior. “Generally, I’m all right with racial profiling, as long as it’s done in inner cities or airports,” said Chuck Armstrong, a supporter of Lyndon LaRouche, who was also outside of the campus center. “But what these ‘Jews’ are doing here is a crime. But then again, if they want to seek out others like them to give them AIDS, I’m totally okay with that.”

Racial profiling is a travesty, and from now on we will make sure that the Hasidic Jews bother everyone, not just the stereotypically Jewish-looking students. We are sorry for informing you like this, but we felt obligated to pass this information to you, the alumni of Wesleyan University. Please continue to give us money.

Sincerely,
The Administration of Wesleyan University