A brief history of the Lightening Society

By Brendan “Brief in the Briefs” Larkin

30,000 BC: First evidence of the Lightening Society, a cave painting of a penis in Southern France.

1740: Chalk left outside of European villages in hopes of “enlightening” the atmosphere and stir shit up. The Church is less than pleased.

1876: Society challenges Freemasons to balloon race around the world to choose U.S. president. Masons win, choose Rutherford B. Hayes.

1920: Society urges Gandhi to be more racist, anti-Semitic, and homophobic in his civil disobedience.

1965: Society crusades for the button fly, making it much more inconvenient to use the bathroom.

1980: Society campaigns to end the caulking ban on campus. While they fail, leaving the ban in place to this day, for some time sidewalks are crack free.

2006: Lightening Society leaves chalk outside of dorm rooms at Wesleyan University.

2007: Society inadvertently causes a nationwide reactionary backlash, leaving millions dead.

This article was posted in the print edition as part of the Wesleyan Argus Ampersand. It is satire and should not be construed as fact.