The end of the semester is generally known for great weather, flowers blossoming, breakups, and devil-may-care attitudes towards drunken hookups. There is, however, a much darker side to it all: death. Here are some recent obituaries:

Mr. PiBB – April 27

Last week Mocon saw the removal of one its most beloved carbonated beverages. Sure, now there are two flavors of Nestea, but at what cost? The cost of a soda? A friend? A lover? Mr. PiBB was a lot of things to a lot of people. For me, it was the soft drink of choice nearly 10 times a week. The saddest part of the whole thing is that I never got to say goodbye. Mr. PiBB left my life almost as unexpectedly as it entered it. It is survived by an ongoing rivalry with the Dr. Pepper dispenser in Summerfields. It was 34 years old.

Wolfganger Unzicker – April 30

Eighty-year-old chess master Wolfgang Unzicker died of heart failure on Sunday. He learned to play chess from his father when he was 10, and was awarded the title of Grand Master in 1954. He will best be remembered for being the world’s top amateur player and playing unambitious openings. While he will be sorely missed, with his passing the world has become, on average, significantly cooler.

Adolf Hitler – April 30

While most often remembered for either his birthday or the systematic genocide of over six million Jews, Hitler’s death is often overlooked. The leader of the National Socialist German Workers Party came to power in 1933. He is held responsible for launching the European continent into the Second World War. On April 30, 1945, with the allies bearing down on Berlin, Adolf Hitler took his life with a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. He is not really missed. He was a major douche.

Seniors ’06 – May 28

Good luck in the real world, suckas.