Point:

Contrary to popular belief, being alone is not a bad thing, especially on Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to worry about buying gifts or remembering anniversaries. Also, there are plenty of great things that are best when done on your own, like reading, single-player mode in Mario Kart, or riding a tandem bike alone. Besides, I hear Spider Solitaire may be the next experimental Olympic sport, and the last thing I need is a woman getting in the way of my gold. But what it all boils down to is that Valentine’s Day is just a sham anyway, because love is dead.

Counter-Point:

I’m glad you’re so satisfied with your solitude, because you’re going to die alone. Take it from me, no one every really loves you in this world, least of all your parents. Not the ones that raised yo—I guess they like you a little bi—but definitely not the ones that put you up for adoption.

Counter-Counter-Point:

Oh my God, you’re right. I need to change my tune… what are you doing on Tuesday night? You’re lonely, I’m lonely, let’s hang out.

Counter^3-Point:

Sorry, champ, but I got a hot date with a little lady named Free Cell.