When all-NESCAC goalkeeper Dan Penrod ’05 graduated last spring, the Wesleyan men’s soccer team had a major hole in the net with no clear replacement. After a heated tryout, Matt Gnall ’08 emerged on top and in the goal. Gnall will start tomorrow in what could easily be termed the biggest game of his Wesleyan career: the team’s season opener with Williams. For his impressive preseason and stunning ponytail, Gnall is this week’s Cardinal Character.

JJF: What are you thinking about the Williams game?

MG: I’ve been thinking about it since they ended our season last year. It will surely be a bloodbath and our crazy assistant coach Rob Stone will make sure we are ready to battle. Penrod told me last year that if I do one thing in my career I have to beat Williams, so I won’t let him down.

JJF: Can you stop them?

MG: Yeah we can. Their whole team is Bretty Olsen, and I heard that the last time he came to Wesleyan he puked all over himself mid-sentence. The guy is scared of the Cardinals, especially coming here to play in the Birdcage.

JJF: What’s it like replacing Penrod in goal?

MG: I have to grow a few more inches, but he took time off from his hotshot job at Lehman Brothers last week to teach me his tough guy stare.

JJF: What are the team’s goals for the season?

MG: We want to win everything in sight this year: league, tournament, and NCAAs. I know those are some pretty lofty goals, but when our mustaches come in we will be the most feared team in the country.

JJF: Who on the team throws it down the hardest?

MG: Sophomore Danny Eder replaces Danny Penrod as the new Danny Blackout. One night last spring he was permanently banned from 200 Church, Beta and Summerfields late night and doesn’t remember a minute of it.

JJF: Will you party harder Saturday night if you guys win or lose?

MG: If we win we might have to throw a helmet on Eder.

JJF: Wesleyan hasn’t seen a lot of you in goal. Describe your playing style.

MG: I would probably characterize my playing style as a combination of Jorge Campos, who wore crazy jerseys and ran out of the box a lot, and Tony Meola, who had a great ponytail.

JJF: Now do it in just one word.

MG: Rad.

JJF: Who scores the first goal of the 2005 season for the Cardinals?

MG: I think it’s going to be Brandon Smith. BSmith really wants to pull his shirt off to celebrate and show his newly formed chest muscles.

JJF: Who scores the first own goal?

MG: I don’t want to answer that. You’ll probably jinx us.

JJF: The football team has a QB controversy. Any advice for Zach Librizzi [’08] or Zach Canter [’07] on how to win a job?

MG: I’ve never played football but I think it’s about confidence and testosterone and both of them have plenty of each.

JJF: How do you plan to strike fear in the heart of the Ephs?

MG: Our devoted crew of tech stars is ready to hurl some verbal abuse at those Ephs from the sidelines. Morgan Owen is pretty scary looking too.

JJF: Finally, what is an Eph?

MG: I looked it up on the internet and I learned that Eph is the name of a Christian rock band in Texas. It is also a medical term used to describe a horrible genital rash.