The demure, homely, ostensibly worthless life of Jennifer Anniston was shaken harder than a movie-set trailer in which Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are having orgasmic, mind-rocking, Womb Raider sex when Jen discovered a spicy little tidbit of information that anyone with the perception skills of Helen Keller could have figured out.
Oh, hello there. We didn’t see you! Yes, it’s another semester already. We’d forgotten, too. Which means that we didn’t really have an Ampersand ready to go. But the new Editor-in-Chief (who is a Republican) insisted that we put something together.
For me, the one enjoyable part of the holidays is the notion of a "Christmas Miracle–" but there are too many misconceptions shrouding the idea. Having your picture taken at a mall with an imitation Santa who gets his jollies by having pre-pubescent kids sit on his lap is most certainly not a miracle. It’s just creepy.
– One must dance dance dance always and forever if one is to be social. – One mustn’t necessarily know how to dance in order to dance. – People don’t “get high” at Wesleyan, they just get normal. – Even otherwise generally intelligent people can believe the ’80s were cool. – When it comes to […]
What up, pimp-hammers! Big Man gonna lay some knowledge on all y’all! Or, in other words, hi, how are you? I’d like to tell you about my semester away from Wesleyan. I worked at Guitar Center, which is a fun-loving, warm-hearted transnational music-retail corporation.
Kwanzaa is right around the corner, and you may be asking yourself "How do I celebrate Kwanzaa? It seems really hard. Also, I’m white." Well, don’t you worry about it. Kwanzaa is not as hard as one may think. Here are a few quick tips on how you can have a truly kick-ass Kwanzaa. And I promise the rest of the white people won’t look at you funny.
Along with the annual canonical cage match that pits Chanukah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas against one another in a veritable bout to the faithful finish, an additional holiday of epic ecclesiastical proportions has thrown its yarmulke/kitenge head wrap/Abercrombie knit cap with ear flaps into the godly gauntlet: I-Am-Furiously-Unequivocally-Crippled-due-to-Knuckleheaded-Educational-Decisions Day, established by the sophomores of Wesleyan University.
It’s cold out. Like, real cold. For those of you Frosh from Florida gearing up for your first New England winter, a few words of advice.
– To come down off of Adderall. – To be able to carry on a conversation about the Pixies for more than 10 seconds without wanting to stab myself in the eye. – The nine dollars I spent on “Rent” back. Okay, eighteen dollars. – For someone to explain to me what the hell the […]
Of all the cultural hallmarks that have become engrained in the American holiday of Thanksgiving — a gleaming, succulent turkey, the familiar comfort of familial togetherness, sniffing Elmer’s glue in your cousin’s basement — one is especially endearing to the members of the Greatest Generation…