Sunday night, Super Bowl XL: The testosterone raged, the muscles bulged, and the players lovingly fondled the taut skin of the football. Oh! were I that ball, being held in a man’s arms, so tight… so tight.
please just get over it shit someone hook up the stereo jesus christ! i love this song turn it up its not a big fucking deal lets get along lets dance already come on come on whycantyoualljustFUCKINGDANCE!!!!!!!
The increasingly unattainable goal of peace in the beleaguered state of Israel was dealt another blow recently when the militaristic pseudo-terrorist party of Hamas defiantly trounced its opposition in Palestinian parliamentary elections. Israel’s main point of contention with Hamas stems from the Palestinian party’s denial of Israel’s existence, which is rather surprising…
The Israel-Palestinian conflict really gets my goat. I mean, it’s a lot like a party if you think about it. Sure, sometimes the party can get rowdy and sometimes Israel calls the cops, the U.S., to come and make sure their flat-screen TV isn’t stolen or those strangers don’t hook up in their roommates’ bed.
The confirmation of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court marks the biggest sea-change in the court’s makeup since– Oh, hell, I can’t do this. I was so bummed by Alito’s confirmation that I put on this old Dashboard/Bright Eyes mix (from when Nicole dumped me) on repeat, and I’ve just been sitting here since then.
Here at the AmperOffices, we appreciate the importance of biased journalism. With all the recent talk of burning embassies and angry mobs, we felt it was important to make a statement of our strongly-held belief in the freedom of the press.
The demure, homely, ostensibly worthless life of Jennifer Anniston was shaken harder than a movie-set trailer in which Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are having orgasmic, mind-rocking, Womb Raider sex when Jen discovered a spicy little tidbit of information that anyone with the perception skills of Helen Keller could have figured out.
Oh, hello there. We didn’t see you! Yes, it’s another semester already. We’d forgotten, too. Which means that we didn’t really have an Ampersand ready to go. But the new Editor-in-Chief (who is a Republican) insisted that we put something together.
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Many people think that it would be cool to be adopted by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. To these people I would say nothing, because I would be slapping them instead. In my opinion, being the adopted progeny of Hollywood royalty would suck. Here are some reasons why: