April 09, 2025

Hey Kids, Remember Me?

April 4, 2006, by Mono “Lickin’ it Old School” Nucleosis-Gelman, . Leave a Comment

Okay, I know it’s been a while. I know you have to think long and hard to recall those halcyon days when I was cool, when I was hip, when I meant you were popular. I know you’re probably reading this in the bathroom while your bowels are more out of control than a flying high-speed means of transportation that has been commandeered by slithering reptiles, but bare with me for a second. Come on kids, don’t you remember me?

Bats major in film, produce string of blockbuster hits

April 4, 2006, by , . 1 Comment

The Aristobats

Bat Santa

Sisterhood of the Travelling Bats

How Stella Got Her Groove Bat

Miss Congeniality 3: Bats!

The Truth About Bats and Bats

Editors’ Note: God smites Wesleyan

April 4, 2006, by , . Leave a Comment

It’s almost Passover, and in anticipation of the massive exodus of campus Jews that accompanies this holiday, we seem to be suffering a series of plagues. Bad ones. First it was the bats. Then the explosive diarrhea. Now it’s the return of cold, wet weather after a tantalizing taste of warmth.

The Search for Patient Zero

April 4, 2006, by Steve “April Fools, It Was Actually Me” Aubrey, . Leave a Comment

As a campus-wide e-mail informed us last week, students across campus are suffering from a serious case of the Technicolor Yawn and the Hershey Squirts. It is most likely viral in nature, and the route of transmission of these infections is typically fecal-oral.

Garrison Keillor to Nail LiLo on Film: Completely True Rumors from Lake Wobegon

March 7, 2006, by Nat “Lifetime Acheivement” Webb, . Leave a Comment

Film critics are abuzz over the recent leak about Robert Altman’s upcoming A Prarie Home Companion, one of the most secretive, closed-set projects in recent memory. The news that star Garrison Keillor and supporting actress and Hollywood jet-setter Lindsay Lohan would be sharing an explicit sex scene shocked and titillated many of the industry’s leading pundits.

The Hidden Vault: A Top Secret Inventory

March 7, 2006, by Steve “Trapped in the Vault” Aubrey, Compiler. Leave a Comment

What’s actually in the newly uncovered vault?

Muslims Riot Over Brokeback Mountain Loss: Ludacris Hung in Effigy

March 7, 2006, by Alex “I Wish I Knew how to Quit Writing Articles About Brokeback” Gelman, . Leave a Comment

With the calamitous uproar over Danish cartoons blasphemously depicting Mohammad, a scathing condemnation by a certain Wesleyan student, and the cancellation of Joey, it seemed that the tumultuous storm clouds brewing over the Muslim world couldn’t get much darker…

Spring Break: an Amperquiz Blowout!

March 7, 2006, by , . Leave a Comment

Hey, kids! Think you know what the Ampersand staff is doing for spring break? Test your knowledge by matching each staff member with their exciting spring-break plans! Cool beans!

Editors’ Note: Clearing Out the Amper Vault

March 7, 2006, by , . Leave a Comment

Well, it’s almost springtime again, and that means spring cleaning! We recently unlocked a long-lost vault of hilarious yet astoundingly timely pieces which we never ran. So we figured hey, they can’t be any worse than Evan Carp’s inflammatory crap. (Which is, perhaps not coincidentally, an anagram for "inflammatory carp.")

Sequels to Oscar Noms Predicted to Win Big

February 28, 2006, by Nat “Return of Nat Webb” WebbAlex “Son of Alex Gelman” Gelman, . Leave a Comment

Brokeback Volcano
Good Morning, and How Was That Thing You Had?

Munich 2: the Reckoning

Crash, But the One David Cronenberg Made in 1996

Truman Capote, Re-Animator

Paradise Later

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