Wesfest is this weekend. This issue comes out on Tuesday. An entire issue dedicated to prefrosh, but none of them will see it. That’s possibly the most amusing thing the Ampersand has done all semester. Take pity on us and save a copy for your prefrosh.
At a press conference Monday, the Wesleyan Film Studies department released notes belonging to film major Liam Neeson ’74. The notes outline Neeson’s plans for a thesis discussing his own work in films not yet released, filmed, written, or conceived.
The case has been solved. The people need not fear anymore. The villain has been caught. The plagues have been stopped. We are free. Such jubilation is appropriate for the times we are in, because rarely is justice so duly served.
Things I Would Rather Talk About Than My Thesis and Things I Would Rather Talk About than Graduating and Having to Get a Job.
If you’re anything like me— of Polish descent— you’ve become a bit depressed recently with the dearth of parties, ragers, jump-offs, and box socials on campus. A dark cloud of chagrin and depression has settled over this campus in recent weeks, with students looking emaciated, distraught, and on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
The conditions were far from ideal on a blustery Saturday at Tufts, but the Wesleyan track and field team put aside all distractions and ended the day with eight runners placing in six different events. Stephanie O’Brien ’08 was Wesleyan’s top performer, coming in first out of 28 in the 400m.
While seniors are busy finishing their theses, everyone else has their mind on something that is actually important, or at least something that I care about: housing. Some people desperately try to assemble the perfect group, avoiding that guy. Others come to the sad realization that they are that guy.
It’s almost Passover, and in anticipation of the massive exodus of campus Jews that accompanies this holiday, we seem to be suffering a series of plagues. Bad ones. First it was the bats. Then the explosive diarrhea. Now it’s the return of cold, wet weather after a tantalizing taste of warmth.
As a campus-wide e-mail informed us last week, students across campus are suffering from a serious case of the Technicolor Yawn and the Hershey Squirts. It is most likely viral in nature, and the route of transmission of these infections is typically fecal-oral.
10. The words to the Mr. Hanky theme
9. Baby Ruths
8. Somewhere behind Cheney’s vocal cords
7. Alex Gelman’s seed
6. April Fool’s jokes