College is really confusing, so we made you these helpful guides to get you through your first weeks here. If you need additional help, and are a sexy girl frosh with boobies, come to the Argus office, dressed like a Vietnam veteran, at 1 AM on Saturday night. Bring jim hats.
Rule #1: Always wear a hat. It’s very important that you always have a hat or some other sort of head-blanket covering the top of your scalp. Visors don’t count as hats.
Do you hear that? Listen closely, faithful followers, can you hear it? That distant bell toll from far off Argus offices. What is it, you ask? That is the dong of liberation, the ding of freedom, for the witch is dead, and with her goes a tyrannical reign of estrogenical "humor."
I didn’t learn anything my freshman year and I can’t even begin to imagine how hard I will party with Andrew W.K., so I guess I’ll just write about how everyone in my life is leaving me. The Ampersand is really like a family. Katie Brown is the mom, but one of those cool moms who doesn’t yell at you for submitting stuff late and encourages you to drink and have unprotected sex.
I, Kate Brown, will tell you the truth about what I’m doing during Senior Week. My housemate Sarah and I are going to carry around buckets and have a tear collecting competition. It will be like Family Double Dare, only the first one to fill their bucket past the line doesn’t get to dive into a giant ice cream sundae in search of a flag. They still have to leave. But what if Marc Sommers was our graduation speaker?!
The real schedule of events.
From classes, friends, the Ampersand, and Wesleyan.
"We hope to be invited to Wesleyan performances and lectures and sporting events and to lunch at the new Usdan Center, and to continue helping Wesleyan in any way we can," Midge said. After two years of regularly taking lunches for free from the Usdan Center Cafeteria, claiming "I was invited—are you really going to make an honored guest pay for lunch?" Midge Bennet was officially banned Tuesday from the two year old building.
is going to live with a nice family on a farm
The four surviving members of Wesleyan’s class of 1936 are looking forward to what will surely be a joyous and mirthful 70th reunion. This reporter managed to get ahold of each of the four men before their return to their alma mater. Obadiah McClatchy, 93, says he can’t wait to meet his former classmates.