Let’s get awk-tarded in here: How to be awkward at Wesleyan

August 31, 2006, by Alex “Oh, You’re Helen Keller? Awkward” Gelman, . Leave a Comment

So, Einstein, you’ve finally made it to college, where some of the country’s brightest minds gather in one intellectual nirvana to discuss the likes of Kafka, Kant, and Khrushchev. Uh-oh. I just named three guys whose names start with "K." Like… KKK. You know, the guys in sheets. One might call this little snafu… Aaaaawkward!

How to be a WeSocialite

August 31, 2006, by Brian “Captain” Morgan “Is My Only Friend”, . Leave a Comment

Welcome to Wesleyan! Now that you aren’t going to concern yourself with the rigors of going pre-med, you should try to relax a bit and work on socializing.

What I Learned Freshman Year

May 9, 2006, by Dan “Learning Monster” Cerruti, . Leave a Comment

From classes, friends, the Ampersand, and Wesleyan.

News from the Future: April 12th, 2009… Midge Bennet Overstays Welcome at Usdan Center

May 9, 2006, by Ted “Excellent Adventure” Feldman, . 2 Comments

"We hope to be invited to Wesleyan performances and lectures and sporting events and to lunch at the new Usdan Center, and to continue helping Wesleyan in any way we can," Midge said. After two years of regularly taking lunches for free from the Usdan Center Cafeteria, claiming "I was invited—are you really going to make an honored guest pay for lunch?" Midge Bennet was officially banned Tuesday from the two year old building.

Editors’ Note

May 9, 2006, by , . Leave a Comment

is going to live with a nice family on a farm

Class of ’36 Expects Spirited Reunion

May 9, 2006, by Andrew “Grandpa” Bean, . Leave a Comment

The four surviving members of Wesleyan’s class of 1936 are looking forward to what will surely be a joyous and mirthful 70th reunion. This reporter managed to get ahold of each of the four men before their return to their alma mater. Obadiah McClatchy, 93, says he can’t wait to meet his former classmates.

Last Ditch List-O-Rama!!!

May 9, 2006, by NatJohann, . Leave a Comment

Fun things to do during commencement? The funniest Ampersand lists of all time? Things that are harder to do once you’ve moved back home? Ampersand editors who have not attended a single meeting all semester – not even the meeting where Katie made us hamburgers and hot dogs? Things that were better about Wesleyan when we were freshmen? Things that will undoubtedly be worse when you’re a senior?

Andrew W.K. Cancels Spring Fling Plans Student Body “Not Partying Hard Enough”

May 9, 2006, by Nat “N.W.” Webb, . Leave a Comment

The Social Committee of the WSA announced Monday that Andrew W.K., scheduled to appear at this year’s Spring Fling party, would not be performing. According to Justine Hardslab ’07 of the SC, W.K.’s agent said that recently-released statistics convinced W.K. that Wesleyan students "do not party enough."

Bennet Wusses Out: Leaves Super-Speed Issue Unresolved

May 9, 2006, by Nat “My AmperSense is Tingling” Webb, . Leave a Comment

Wesleyan University President Doug Bennet announced his impending retirement from the world of academia Wednesday, leaving a number of the pressing matters of his presidency as yet unresolved. Bennet, who intends to spend his retirement reading, sailing, and undergoing electro-shock speech therapy, did not comment on how his retirement would impact issues of long-term strategy, institutional memory, or partying hard to Andrew W.K.

AmperSeniors Graduate: Don’t Cry, They’re Going to a Better Place

May 9, 2006, by , . Leave a Comment

So what’s happening to Kate Brown, Johann Patlak, and Stephen Aubrey?

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