Lightening Society actually ex-members of Midnight Society

October 24, 2006, by Alex “My Lox are Carp and Pike” Gelman, . Leave a Comment

In a grainy video cassette delivered to the Office of Public Safety very late on Monday night, the members of Wesleyan’s newest underground organization, the Lightening Society, revealed themselves to be the surviving members of the Midnight Society, the stars of Nickelodeon’s early ’90s frightfest Are You Afraid of the Dark.

Lightening Society: Y’all bullshit

October 24, 2006, by the Federation of Pedestrian Walking Surfaces, . Leave a Comment

We are aware that the members of your so-called “society” (if you could call it that; “ruthless cabal” would be better) have been distributing chalk to the students here at Wesleyan for the express purpose of writing on us, the sidewalks. I am here to say today that our membership will not stand for this.

A brief history of the Lightening Society

October 24, 2006, by Brendan “Brief in the Briefs” Larkin, . Leave a Comment

30,000 BC: First evidence of the Lightening Society, a cave painting of a penis in Southern France. 1740: Chalk left outside of European villages in hopes of “enlightening” the atmosphere and stir shit up. The Church is less than pleased. 1876: Society challenges Freemasons to balloon race around the world to choose U.S. president. Masons […]

Lightening Society strikes, killing 40

October 24, 2006, by Jason “Pleasant Surprise” Bitterman, . Leave a Comment

Students awoke to a pleasant surprise on October 19th when hundreds of chalk pieces were left outside dorm rooms. The culprits were the enigmatic Lightening Society, who hoped their self-proclaimed “Night of Lots of Chalk” would spur a chalking revolution among the student body.

News briefs

October 10, 2006, by , . Leave a Comment

Wesleyan Film Studies Chair Jeanine Basinger and North Korean Premiere Kim Jong Il revealed last Friday that they were co-producers of the new Zach Braff vehicle The Last Kiss. Jong Il started the project in an effort to break into the American movie scene. When asked to comment, Zach Braff, as usual, had nothing original to say.

Yet more movie reviews from TeenInk.com

October 10, 2006, by , . Leave a Comment

Carrie. A talented actress, [Sissy] Spacek is able to bring Carrie to life, emotions, telekinesis and all. Hustle & Flow. [M]aybe children and young teens can be inspired to follow their dreams by this film, but there are more appropriate options. [I]t’s still about a pimp having a midlife crisis. The Family Stone. It would […]

The Ampersand explains every single thing that ever confused or annoyed you on Lost

October 10, 2006, by Jason “fanboy108” Bitterman, Dan “Down the Hatch” Cerruti, . Leave a Comment

Once again the creators of LOST prove how inept they are at creating an accurate portrayal of life on an island inhabited by polar bears, jungle monsters, and 70’s-era dungeons. The Season Three premiere was without a doubt the worst episode of Lost ever. It took me three viewings, one of them at one-quarter speed, but I now know for sure that this show has finally jumped the shark.

Ampersand staffer writes film blurbs

October 10, 2006, by Brian “Competent... Writer!” Morgan, . Leave a Comment

Last Friday I was asked to write some blurbs for some movie ads. Originally they wanted Evan Carp to do it, but he was unavailable because he’s too busy writing speeches for the Pope. They found my name on a list of former Foley pages and gave me a call.

Editors’ Note season premiere

October 10, 2006, by , . Leave a Comment

Closeup on Gelman, as Nat tries to get his beanie back from a goat in the Argus office. Nat confronts Gelman about his addiction to cough syrup, but Gelman convinces Nat he just has a bad cough. As Nat hugs Gelman, Gelman shivs Nat and steals his money to buy more cough syrup.

Wesleyan-Speeches: Wesleyan women deserve at least one civil right, if you like

October 3, 2006, by Stephanie Gomory, . Leave a Comment

In the grand year of 1872, Wesleyan University began opening its doors to womenfolk like myself. This year, 1906, I boarded an aeroplane, care of Anachronistic Airlines, and arrived in Middletown in a new petticoat and dress. I had planned to live in a humbly furnished home with three lovely girls.

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