On September 2, 2075, Wesleyan’s first annual banquet for students of an intolerant nature was held. Declared Wesleyan’s smallest and most marginalized group in 2015, intolerant students have fought for their rights for over sixty years. For many Wesleyan students, the banquet was just another boring orientation event, but to racist, homophobic, classist, and robophobic students, the banquet represented the beginning of a better life at Wesleyan.
Dear Doug, in your response to a woman of color’s statement you quoted a few of her words: "I am highly impressed by their (the Bennets) sensitivity to the needs of every student on campus." You said you were pleased by this complement and boasted of the numerous awards the University has recently won for diversity and academics. You, once again, were lauded for social awareness.
It’s the last Ampersand of the semester, but it’s the end of more than that. Both your intrepid editors are going away, possibly forever. Gelman is going to be teaching in New York, where there’s every chance that he’ll join a gang of roving street Hassids and drop out. But after hanging onto the college life for a fifth year, I’m finally walking the walk that corresponds to the talk I have for so long talked.
The Office of Residential Life’s 50-year project of completely consolidating housing on campus finally reached its ultimate goal for the 2047 Fall semester, as the entire Wesleyan population was placed in a forced 3,000-er in the Butts.
Lyndon LaRouche, accompanied by the LaRouche Youth Singers, today announced his intention to seek the presidency of Wesleyan University. The announcement marks his fourth attempt at becoming president of the school. During the over-two-hour press conference, which started at North College before being moved to the steps of the Campus Center and finally to the MPR, LaRouche promised to overhaul the administrative structure.
Krazy Bordrrz, a Middletown skateboarding, fashion, and music association, is currently on day four of its plan to "bring l33t pwnage and fuck shit up evrey day at welseyan collage!" Krazy Bordrrz, which was founded in the summer of 2006, counts eight local youths among its members.
Dear Wesleyan Connection Readers, we regret to have to inform you of a reprehensible event that has occurred on our campus. It has recently come to our attention that the Hasidic Jews who are so often outside of Davenport Campus Center are guilty of racial profiling. We first became aware of this when Shlomo Goldsteinberg ’10 emailed Dean of Diversity Danny Teraguchi last week to complain.
In case you haven’t been checking your email, Jebediah Amishpants, every once in a blue moon you receive a copy of Wesleyan’s electronic newsletter, the Wesleyan Connection. Jam-packed in every issue are pictures of overly diverse Wesleyan students enjoying Foss Hill, lectures on Ecuadorian post-colonial urbanization in a feminized context that three people went to, and sunsets!
Manute Bol is anything but "manute" in any facet of his character, as the Wesleyan University maintenance staff recently found out. Bol, a 1985 second-round NBA draft pick by the Washington Bullets and former defensive Rookie of the Year, joined the Wesleyan lawn-care and maintenance staff three months ago, signing a three-year, $50,000 deal.
Wesleyan students once again showed their activist side when several members of the Jewish community grew their own "toothbrush moustaches," a style made infamous by Adolf Hitler. Joshua Goldensteinberg ’08, a prominent member of the Bayit program house and a regular at Shabbat services, started the movement.