The following are a few letters from a large collection that I wrote starting in freshman year of high school. I was a star-crossed lover who was in way over his head, but I suppose that’s love. Watch as my journey from a naïve romantic, to paranoid lover, to a bitter, heartbroken man unfolds!
Recently, Andrew Bean took some time to talk to the demigod behind the holiday. We thought that he would talk to him about the more famous hook-ups he inspired: Dido and Aeneas, Romeo and Juliet, and David Arquette and Courtney Cox. However, what he found out was infinitely more interesting.
The following is a list of the fun, romantic, and occasionally attended activities offered by the City of Middletown this Valentine’s Day.
Will you go out with us? (Circle one)
Well, Valentine’s Day falls on a Wednesday this year, so you know what that means for me. That’s right! A hot and sensual night filled with a hallmark card from my grandmother followed by a new episode of Top Design and repeats of The Real Housewives of Orange County on Bravo (hey, if I were blind I am sure I would think one of those ladies is hot).
After much debate and research, scientists have concluded that the "Hebrew-Money Gene" is pure schlock. "It took me 10 years and over a hundred million dollars, but I can now confidently say that Jews are, in fact, not genetically linked with money," said geneticist Frank Cummings.
So apparently, the humor publications at other schools *cough* Yale *cough* get their own house to have meetings and throw awesome ragers…and we don’t. The Ampersand should have a house. But what type of house should we have? Here are the pros and cons of the houses we’re considering.
Senator Joseph Biden, Jr.’s (D-DE) made headlines recently by going off on tangents about all of the leading Democratic candidates’ shortcomings, from Hillary’s electability and Edward’s Iraq plan, in what speculators are calling a marketing lead into his "Biden: Uncut and Uncensored: Gone Wild: Spring Break ’07" videos.
Hundreds of college students gathered in lounges and dorm rooms this past Sunday night over wings and beer to watch the year’s most-anticipated television event. Parties were planned solely for the screening, and many participants sported apparel featuring their favorite X-team members.
We do in fact have a lot of money, but we just don’t know where it is. God, this must be how MC Hammer feels. If we could find that money this is what we would do with it.