Martin Scorsese winning goes against arts, sciences and everything else in the Academy’s name. In the past all you needed was a glance at the nominees and at most a protractor to figure out who would win. The secret was face shape.
HJO: Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I’ve waited so long for this. There were so many people who said I wouldn’t make it, but here I am. Seriously, though, after all these years, I’m back on top. I’ve finally made it back to the Oscars. Boy, I haven’t been here for four years.
Always a fan of the movies (or films as we call them when Ted Feldman is in attendance), the Ampersand was totally engrossed by the entire coverage of the 79th Academy Awards.
MIDDLETOWN – Wesleyan University fraternity men are taking the time to honor one of the city’s fallen geriatrics. Every week the brothers of the Psi Upsilon fraternity at Wesleyan hold a massive festivity with a large display as the centerpiece. This week, the rager is in honor of the Mildred Fessenbottom, an elderly woman who had fallen out of her wheelchair in front of Psi U and was unable to get up.
While Tim Hardaway isn’t related to me, we do have the same last name, which has compelled me, to clarify my stance. You know I hate gay marionettes, so let it be known. They shouldn’t be in the world or in the United States or even in Nike commercials. It’s both unnatural and immoral for a walking, talking, wisecracking miniature marionette of NBA superstars to engage in that sort of lifestyle.
Sunday marked the year of the Pig. Not just any pig, a golden pig. I’m talking better than Babe and Wilbur combined. In honor of this we decided to make resolutions, have a Chinese person translate them into Chinese and then have the Introduction to Chinese class translate them back.
Post Valentine’s Day Sale on Cocksplints! Did your Valentine’s Day not go as well as planned? Did you slip at insertion? Did you try anal without lube? Did someone scare your significant other while you were receiving a blow job? Or did it go a little too well? Did you do it too many times? Is your girlfriend a little too tight? Do you just have a broken penis? Well, you are in luck my friend.
So, Grandma Mocon finally gets her bio in the paper. Freakin’ finally, Argus. Why wait so long to feature G-Mocs in the paper? Were you frightened by her GMILF nature (I realize this is the second of two weeks I’ve made mention of GMILFs. I assure you, I prefer ’em young, as many ladies shall attest (wink wink))?
As valentine’s day approaches, and the hunt for a suitable one-day mate escalates, I find myself with a quandary. Who to pick? There are, obviously, hundreds of choices for a stud like me, but does one person fill the role well enough?
Recently, a bunch of Wesleyan students trekked down to Washington D.C in order to protest the ever-continuing war in Iraq. In doing so, they joined a lot of others. Unfortunately, nobody with war-ending powers responds to bleeding hearts (both in protest and in combat). This is why we must all be thankful for Mrs. Libby R. Tee’s third grade class in New Haven.