When Ralph Gerraty walks into a ping-pong arena, people shiver. The extra-powerful air conditioning that Ralph requires for his matches makes everyone and everything cold—except for his game, which blazes like a Wesleyan student on Foss Hill.
The University has announced massive cutbacks in the school budget in the wake of the announcement that Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band will be appearing at this year’s Spring Fling. No expense has been spared, as the budget for the date is estimated to be at least 1.5 million dollars, with reported expenses including glowsticks, a professional pyrotechnics crew, and an undisclosed amount in birth control.
A filler? In the Argus? Impossible! This just proves that the Ampersand does patronize the arts. -Brendan
Frederick Jones’s art thesis features a handful of Crayola crayons on a white sheet of paper on the floor. The brightly colored crayons are branded with corporate symbols and trapped in cylindrical paper straitjackets, representing how the beauty of the human spirit has been corporationalized.
Rumors have been flying about who is playing at Spring Fling this year, from Sisqo to Mr. T, but the truth has finally come out. I, on behalf of the entire Wesleyan community, am proud to announce this year’s main attraction, Project Pat, 1/6 of Three 6 Mafia.
Due to high demand and great suggestions, the Film Series has decided to extend its program through Reading Week.
It’s that time of year again, when high schoolers put on their best obscure band t-shirt and Wesleyan students abet in underage substance abuse. But consider those poor prefrosh moms. Like the majority of Wesleyan students, most prefrosh mothers believe that "pre-cum is sexy." However, their opinons constrast greatly when considering, "Is anal sex a reality?" Only 29% say Yes, with the others firmly holding that it is just a social construct.
Greetings, friends. This is Dan Cerruti here with another sleazy Ampersand article. The Ameprcrew decided that I, being the go-to guy for this sort of thing, should write a quick guide to picking up pre-frosh. Unfortunately, while the Ampercrew are a bunch of douchebags, they are sharp douchebags, and I do have some anecdotes and absurdities to share about picking pre-frosh for potential penetration.
Yeah, you! The one who is at every party. The one who is introducing me to my friends. The one that just took my girlfriend back to some room. Well you know what I did? I left that party alone. I walked back to my dorm, I cried and I masturbated…at the same time. Not so different from any other night, you may say. But you’d be wrong because there was hatred in my heart. Please don’t come to Wes.
Friends, we are in the middle of a struggle, the likes of which have not been seen on many years.We are trapped in a state of virtual servitude, in which we cannot use sticks of colored gypsum to write on the sidewalks of out hallowed university. We have been robbed of a way to advertise events, be irreverent or make jokes. Last year, I attempted to throw a dance party.