The Ampersand has always been inquisitive. Is there a God? What’s the key to happiness? Who shot J.R.? In this issue, we are going to focus on the toughest question to answer: WHAT THE FUCK?
Before I run off for the summer, I just wanted to let everyone know how excited I was about my summer job. Earlier in the year, I was stuck trying to figure out what I wanted to do this summer. I wanted a job that was adventurous, required quick wit, and had very little oversight. Yet I couldn’t think of a position that would be open to a college student during the summer.
Now that the Argus is [sort of] in color, Wespeaks will be color coded based on their inflammatory nature and the threat they pose to American security. This advisory system will use red for the most bigoted, hateful, "high risk" speech and green for "low risk" chalking diatribes.
Recently, New York City has been pushing for a ban on the you-know-what-I’m-talking-about-and-I’m-still-white-even-though-I’m-writing-and-not-actually-saying-it word that is in a sort of legal grey area. Because of free speech, an impossibility to police it, and it just generally being kind of silly, this ban has reached to be a sort of "gentleman’s law," like an agreement featuring men of similar refinement, where essentially the city is saying, "please, don’t drop the n-bomb" and people are obliged to comply.
Two students issued a vitriolic assessment of Saturday’s "Steam room Smorgasbord: Snacking and Schmoozing in a Steamy Environment," a lecture and lunch hosted by Bill Cosby in the women’s steam room at the Freeman Athletic Center.
Students of Wesleyan: do you have a Facebook? Yes, of course you do. Facebook is so fun. You can talk to your friends, post inside jokes on their walls, and show the whole world just how cool you are in tagged photos. But, Students of Wesleyan, I have sad news. You are being shielded from the truth. Blinded by the promise of Facebook glory.
It’s finally spring, which means love is in the air. Alright kids, it’s time that we have a talk. The talk. You know, about the birds and the bees?
MIDDLETOWN- SWAT teams stormed the house of Middletown resident, God, following allegations of child molestation on Sunday night. The Almighty was accused of three counts of sexual abuse last week. God was held at the Middlesex County Jail where the $150,000 bail was immediately posted with a Mastercard.
Many of you, my fellow schoolmates, recently celebrated the 4/20 holiday. It seems like drugs and alcohol were quite prominent on the hill that day, so as the self proclaimed "straight-edge-but-still-a-cool-duder" of this campus, I’d like to use this forum that has been offered to me to tell you why its cool to be straight.
Hi, my name is Dan and I love smoking pot, masturbating, and playing video games on a regular basis. Unfortunately, my pediatrician/urologist/mother have all told me that one of these horrible vices needs to end immediately, but if I stop smoking pot I wouldn’t be able to enjoy a cappella groups anymore and Soul Calibur III is the greatest creation since Thomas Edison’s brain.