Did you know professors can fall in love, too? This year, The Argus talked to professors at the University who are together to hear their stories of academia, romance, and everything in between.

Scott Holmes is a professor of molecular biology and biochemistry and integrative sciences. Amy MacQueen is an associate professor of molecular biology and biochemistry and integrative sciences.

The Argus: Your bookshelves are full of travel books! Tell me about your adventures.

Scott Holmes: Amy’s from New Hampshire, so she likes hiking in the White Mountains, and she’s been doing it forever. 

Amy MacQueen: Since my daughter was five, we’ve done the Presidential Range every year. You do three huts and go across the eight Presidentials.

A: Wow, with a five-year-old.

AM: She’s very proud of herself. She’s actually applied to work at the huts this year. And my son went along with us as well. It became a real thing, so Scott would join us, too. He loves to hike as well. 

SH: Our ideal trip includes some culture, some family, some getting out, and doing something active.

AM: Scott’s family is wonderful in this way because his mother also really likes to learn. She’s much older, but she organizes trips. We had a similar trip two years ago to Greece, where we were truffle hunting in the woods. That’s a lot of what resonates with us, we’re always like we were when we were five—just learning and playing. That’s the other thing: we both run. I think one of the first things we did together was a race in Denver. There’s the research and the outdoors, and the play, and [we] became best friends.

A: You’ve been living in this house for three years now?

AM: I raised my kids [from my first marriage] in Durham, N.C. But I didn’t like having to drive to work. So we were looking, especially once both my kids were on their way to college. And buying this house—I don’t know if you know this, but we’re not married, not that we might never get married—but buying this house was that kind of solidification. This was really a romantic endeavor.

A: I’m curious if you could talk about the process of working in the same department and then dating and now living together. How has that changed your relationship?

AM: It’s really nice to be able to share downtime. I used to think it was great to have amazing experiences; once in a while, we could get together for a trip here or a hike there. But it’s really nice to not have to pack everything into one thing, just to have [some] downtime. I think Scott’s self-conscious because I love being alone—I’m really an alone person. He’s more of a party animal and likes being with people. He’s always asking, “Is it okay that I’m here? Why are you always with me if you like being alone?” But it’s just different. It’s really nice to just co-exist through the ups and downs of daily routine.

SH: We often walk over together, and come back. And that’s not always true, it’s not like we’re right on top of each other during the day. So there’s a little bit of a separate world there that’s actually going to diminish when we move into the new building, where our two labs are going to be [adjoining].

A: I’m curious about what it’s been like to find a close romantic affinity for a second time in life, and to find it at an older age now.

AM: It’s the best. I want to tell my kids, “Don’t bother with a relationship until you’re 40.” Well, you should bother. But just like in junior high or high school, it’s nice to have different friends. Sometimes you keep all your friends, sometimes you pair off, and things don’t work out. In your 20s and 30s, you have ambitions. You don’t know which partnership will work. There’s always a two-body problem (the complications when a couple are both in academia). You don’t know everything. By your 40s, you kind of do. My mindset hasn’t changed, but in terms of a domestic relationship, you know yourself more after figuring out your career. You fall in love, but that doesn’t mean it works forever. Or you fall in love because it looks right on paper, you’re great friends, but the chemistry isn’t right. After college, you’re supposed to just know. If you get married, you’re supposed to know. But it’s never that way. It doesn’t make sense scientifically. Relationships change. It’s nice when you’ve figured out your life a little more.

SH: I don’t think you do all the learning you’re talking about if you’re not with a partner. You can’t just hold off. 

AM: That’s the thing—not to diminish relationships at all stages. But I get distressed when I read my kids these books, and they’re disdainful of relationships that broke off. The worst thing was for your parents to get a divorce. That’s not nuanced or forgiving enough. It’s not looking at reality the way it is. If we can embrace that sometimes things don’t work out, but you still support each other—I feel like I’m very liberal with that. You’re learning from all of that. I don’t think we’d redo anything differently, actually, would you agree?

SH: You’re forming yourself along the way. A little later in life, you have more perspective on yourself and what’s important to you. But it’s not like then you know exactly what you want, because the next person you meet is going to change what you thought you wanted.

AM: And I think I definitely was not as able to be vulnerable with somebody else in my 20s. I was very happy, but very much a loner and very ambitious. I knew exactly where I was going, and I knew what I wanted. I did what I wanted, and things worked out. But then I remember being in a situation where I was like, “Wait a second, I’m actually not happy in this relationship.” And that was a shocker because it was [with] my best friend at the time, but it wasn’t working. So I feel like I did grow as a person in terms of being able to connect to someone in a way that was going to be fulfilling for me in the end. There is still growing time, even though I do still feel like I’m the same as I was when I was five years old.

A: What are some of the practical things you two have realized you’re looking for? 

AM: I think I’m drawn to other scientists—I just love to talk about our work. But it is true that it might be a little tricky if I’m in the lab until 11, and someone doesn’t understand why. I really like the fact that Scott doesn’t really care that much about dinner. That’s really great, because I think dinner is so overrated. And you’re so tired at the end of the day, you don’t want to really cook anything. Sometimes we just have cheese and crackers for dinner, and it’s really good.

A: You mentioned marriage earlier. Have you thought about or discussed it much?

AM: I’ll tell you honestly, we haven’t had the time. I love a big party. If I’m gonna have a wedding, it’s gonna be a really fun party. We had a really good Thanksgiving, but it hasn’t really worked out that we’ve suddenly gotten married at one of those parties.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity. 

Arya Dansinghani can be reached at adansinghani@wesleyan.edu.

Nancy Li can be reached at nli02@wesleyan.edu.

Thomas Lyons can be reached at tlyons@wesleyan.edu.

Lyah Muktavaram can be reached at lmuktavaram@wesleyan.edu.

Janhavi Munde can be reached at jmunde@wesleyan.edu.