The following are revelations, inspirations, and evocations that compelled student chef Zeke Appel ’27 to relay these fantastical recipes to The Argus. I, Kiran Eastman ’27, was his scribe, penning these into print.

My Dream Woman’s Thighs

This recipe actually came to me in a dream. 

A woman was over, but I can’t quite remember what she looked like—a blurry face, a nose, a bottom lip. Just when I leaned in to steal a kiss, grapefruits and jalapeños blew out of the cabinets, a chicken danced across the kitchen island, and spices cascaded into my mixing bowl. I can still smell it now; the simmering shallots, the sizzling peppers, her Cabernet Sauvignon, and American Spirits. Every Saturday I make it for myself and think she just might join me—if not forever, then just to eat. 

Ingredients:

4 skin-on chicken thighs

1 cup white rice

2 jalapeños

1 large shallot

Olive oil

1/2 cup dry white wine

1 large grapefruit

8 tablespoons butter, cubed

1 bunch parsley

Salt and pepper

Instructions:

• Dry brine chicken by salting both sides of each thigh, then place on a wire rack over a plate in the fridge. The salt will draw moisture from the chicken’s skin, making the final dish crispier. 
• Wash rice thoroughly; add it to a pot and fill with water, up to the first knuckle on your middle finger. Cover rice and put on the stove on medium-low heat. Cook for 30 minutes, or until all the water has been absorbed. Remove lid and fluff rice with fork. 
• Remove chicken from fridge and pat dry. Leave out for 20–30 minutes to allow it to come to room temperature.
• While rice cooks, use a small knife to core jalapeños. Finely mince 1, and set the other aside. Finely mince 1 shallot and add to minced jalapeño. 
• Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Take an oven-safe pan, place it on medium-high heat, and give it five minutes to heat up. Add a drizzle of olive oil and place chicken skin-side-down for 7–10 minutes, or until crisp around the edges. Don’t flip it early on; it should be easy to release from the pan once it’s ready.
• When each thigh releases easily from the pan, turn them all over and put the pan in the oven. Each thigh should take 10–15 minutes to finish cooking, or until internal temperature reaches 165 degrees. If you don’t have a thermometer, poke holes in the chicken; if the juice comes out white, it’s finished cooking. By this point, the rice is probably done cooking, but if it needs a little more time, that’s okay.
• When thighs are done, take them out of the pan and pour half of the juice in the pan over them. Place pan back on medium heat and add minced shallots, jalapeños, and wine. Use a wooden spoon to scrape browned bits off of the bottom of the pan.
• While the sauce cooks down, cut grapefruit in half and use a small knife to cut off all of its skin. You should be left with a half grapefruit that has the wedges held together by small white bands of pith. Gently cut along each side of the pith to release wedges from the center. You should be left with pieces of grapefruit that don’t have any white trim on them.
• Take the other half of the grapefruit and the remaining rind; squeeze juice into the sauce. Turn heat off and add in cubed butter, a few pieces at a time, stirring constantly. As soon as all the butter has been added and sauce is thickened, taste it; add salt and pepper to taste.
• Plate rice, then 1 or 2 chicken thighs, and spoon over grapefruit sauce. Slice remaining jalapeño thinly. Pick a couple of parsley leaves for garnish.

Spaghetti and Me-Balls

It was a dark and oppressive night in early February, and I was making microwave popcorn ‘for one’ in the Hewitt kitchen. Just when I thought my popcorn was salted through from my lonesome tears, I heard the door swing open.

A woman waltzed in like sunlight on a rippling stream. She smelled of summer rain. Her eyes shone like the ocean at sunset; her hair shone with the reflections of moonlight. As she approached, I looked down at my salty bag of corn and threw it in the garbage.  

After a deep breath, I met her eyes and asked if she was hungry; she told me she was famished, so I got to work. Opening the refrigerator, I saw only butter and a morsel of pecorino Romano. I would find a way to make this work. I felt her gaze burn into the back of my head as I cooked. 

When I was finished, I turned around and was met with candlesticks and a tablecloth. She had set the table for two.

We made love all night.

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons whole black peppercorns

1 cup dry spaghetti

1/2 cup pecorino Romano

1 tablespoon butter

Salt

Instructions:

• Bring a large pot of water to boil. Toast peppercorns for two minutes in a saucepan on medium-high. Once peppercorns are toasted, add them to a food processor or, ideally, a mortar and pestle. Grind peppercorns roughly, making sure not to blend into a powder.
• When water is boiling, add a generous pinch of salt. Pour in pasta and stir briefly to ensure that none of it is sticking. Cook pasta for 6 minutes, or until al dente.
• While pasta cooks, grate pecorino into a bowl and add ground pepper.
• As pasta reaches al dente, take a cup of pasta water and pour it into each serving bowl to keep them warm.
• Add butter to pan on low heat. As it’s melting, sprinkle in cheese and peppercorns. Use a slotted spoon or tongs to bring pasta from the pot and into the pan. Add pasta water gradually, stirring continuously until it forms a smooth sauce. Allow pasta to finish cooking in the sauce. 
• The pasta is delicious on its own, but can also be served with lemon or more pecorino cheese and black pepper.

 

“Had-dick” Tacos 

All I’ll say is that these babies work…

Ingredients:

1/2 teaspoon each paprika, cumin, chili powder, onion powder, garlic powder

1 pound filet of haddock

1/4 head of green cabbage

1/4 head of purple cabbage

1 carrot

2 limes

Mayonnaise (optional)

1 bunch cilantro

1 avocado

1/4 cup of sour cream

6 corn tortillas

Neutral oil

Salt and pepper

 

Instructions:

• Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
• Mix salt, pepper, paprika, cumin, chili powder, onion powder, and garlic powder in a small bowl.
• Slice fish into 1 x 2-inch strips, then gently rub with spices, salt, and pepper. Be careful not to damage each cut of fish. Set aside on a baking sheet with raised edges.
• Thinly slice both cabbages and carrot; add them to a bowl with a generous amount of salt. Add juice of half of a lime, or more to taste. Optionally, add a little mayo to thicken the slaw.
• Drizzle a touch of olive oil onto fish, and put in the oven for 8 minutes. When done, each cut should flake apart easily when pressed on, and the middle should be an opaque white, not the murky clear color of raw fish.
• For sauce, cut stems off cilantro. A little bit of stem is fine, it just shouldn’t be the main part. Roughly chop leaves along with avocado, and then add to a blender with sour cream, juice of one whole lime, and salt and pepper to taste. Sauce should be refreshing and balanced. If it’s too salty, add more lime. If it’s too sour, add a touch of sugar or agave syrup.
• Heat a pan on medium heat and add a small splash of neutral oil, such as canola oil. Lightly toast both sides of each tortilla for one minute, then assemble the tacos.

Zeke Appel can be reached at eappel@wesleyan.edu. 

Kiran Eastman can be reached at kbleakneyeas@wesleyan.edu.