There is a lot of pressure around having the ideal Valentine’s Day plans, so let us help you figure out a date that suits you best! Answer these four quick questions and use the key at the bottom to find out what we think you need to be doing this Valentine’s Day…

 

1: You’re at a party and the cute person from your Introduction to 17th Century Feminist Labial Studies walks in. You…

a. professed your love to them through your brave, revolutionary rewrite of “The Vagina Monologues,” so you invite them to sit next to you during class.

b. tell them that they would really like your other class crush and that you should all hang out together sometime.

c. rush back to your group and talk about them using a cryptic code name so no one will know.

d. bounce. Class crushes belong in class.

 

2: It’s midterms season and somehow all of your assignments and exams are in the same week. What’s your plan?

a. You already made a clear calendar at the beginning of the semester so you budgeted enough time for each assignment. In fact, you already turned two papers in!

b. This is when your schmoozing the TA all semester comes in handy. One TA session later and you will have a concise list of all of the exam topics. You are ready to grind out these assignments. 

c. Get reinforcement! You have a LOT of friends and at least one of them has taken your classes before. You pool those notes and conquer. 

d. This is no sweat, you thrive under a deadline. You get cozy in your room, put on some calming tunes and ace this midterm season.

 

3: It is Feb. 13 and your friend-with-benefits asked you to spend Valentine’s Day together. You respond by saying: 

a. “Too little too late. If this was serious, the proposition should have been made more than a day in advance.”

b. “Yes! I have been waiting to see if you would be interested in hanging out with me and a group of like-minded individuals ;)”

c. “Sorry, I already have several dates lined up. Another night though?”

d. “I have plans.” (You do not have plans.)

 

4: It’s the end of the semester and you get asked out on a date. Both of you don’t want to waste your final points, so which on-campus dining option are you picking for an emergency romantic meal?

a. Usdan. A us-date is a classic for a reason.

b. Swings. If the date fails, there is always the best people-watching on campus!

c. Star and Crescent. Your date needs to be tested. Surprise them with your friend group at one of the communal tables! Everyone loves a surprise.

d. At home (using Weshop ingredients). The best food on campus at your favorite place on campus!

 

Now for your results… we hope you’ve been keeping track! Results are based on your most frequently selected answer (As, Bs, Cs or Ds).

If you’re a type-A, you’re a Valentine’s Day traditionalist. We hope you have already made your dinner reservations by the time you’re reading this. But if you haven’t, no need to worry. Focus this Valentine’s Day on connecting with your partner by doing something romantic!

If your results are screaming B mine, Valentine’s Day provides the perfect excuse to get every hot person you know, or want to get to know, together. Spread your sexy social butterfly wings and curate an orgy! 

If you picked mostly Cs, you are not C-ing this holiday through rose colored glasses. The lovey-dovey lifestyle may not be for you this year. Don’t fret: it is the perfect time to grab your close friends and throw a party! You can channel your inner Leslie Knope and celebrate your gal-pals with gifts and appreciation or throw an Anti-Valentine’s Day party with all of your situationships, Tammy from Bob’s Burgers style.

For some, this upcoming Friday is all about the D. To be clear, we mean dildos. Make this Valentine’s Day all about you! Take a much needed day off and grab your favorite sweets and toys and enjoy a day in bed.

No matter what plans you end up having, remember that Valentine’s Day is just a day created by Hallmark to sell cards. You can do whatever the hell you want to do. We do recommend looking at this holiday as a great way to expand your sex life, however that may be. Lay in bed and read all of our columns or attend the Sex Carnival on Feb. 14 from 12 to 2 p.m. Whatever you decide, think of us.

Cuckolding your Valentine’s Day plans,

Dill and Doe