c/o Olivia Berger

Welcome back dear readers, 

Today, we wanted to dive right in with something a little juicy: porn! With so many opinions circulating about pornography, it can be hard to know who and what to believe. So we’re going to break down our thoughts and give you a little guidance on how to consume porn safely. 

Is porn bad?

In the past couple of years, it seems that more and more sources are pointing towards porn consumption as the cause of several issues in and out of the bedroom, including sexual dysfunction, higher levels of depression, and declining mental health. While the jury is still out on whether there’s reliable science to back up these claims, the general perception is that porn is something to fear and shame. As with most controversial topics, my opinion centers around the belief that we know ourselves the best, and therefore can decide for ourselves if it’s smart for us to engage. For example, if you know that you have an addictive personality or a hard time with self-discipline, then it might be safest to steer clear of porn. Porn can be addictive, and overuse can make it hard for you to get turned on without it. Just think of the scene in “Big Mouth” when Andrew falls down the porn rabbit hole. We’re trying to avoid a situation like that. 

I also think that some types of porn can encourage dangerous or non-consensual sexual acts, which can be especially harmful when young kids are exposed to these videos before taking a health or sex education class. If your first introduction to sex is porn, it can create unrealistic expectations and a pressure to conform to unrealistic standards. 

All this being said, I think that porn can be an amazing tool for your sex life when it is used safely, by adults, and in moderation. 

Is porn bad…for women?

It’s no secret that many pornography platforms are geared towards straight men. While this is emblematic of a larger issue of ignoring female desire, it can also create the illusion that porn is for men and no one else. In actuality, porn can be a helpful tool if you’re in the mood to be turned on, but are struggling to get there by yourself. If you find that there’s a gap between wanting to be turned on and actually feeling horny, then there’s absolutely no shame in using some erotic tools to get yourself going. Luckily, in the past couple of years, there has been more of a focus on women-directed porn that removes the theatrics aimed for the male gaze and shows a more authentic sensual experience. If videos or visuals aren’t your cup of tea, there’s also erotic novels and audio porn. It’s amazing to see the variety of options being released that allow for more sensuality and use of imagination. So the moral of the story is that porn is not just one thing—a woman performing and faking pleasure for men—but there’s actually a wide variety of options that can act as an aid to your solo sex life.

Is porn bad…in a relationship? 

Porn seems to be something that couples either tiptoe around or argue over endlessly. But we need to stop thinking of porn as the enemy of your relationship. It can actually be a super fun way to spice things up, as long as both parties are on the same page. It’s worth it to bite the bullet and have the potentially uncomfortable conversation: are we allowed to watch porn in this relationship? Some people think that what someone does during their solo time is completely private, while others would even consider watching porn in a relationship to be cheating. I’m personally in the boat that there’s no harm in watching porn as long as neither party feels disrespected by it and it doesn’t create distance between you and your partner. But, as I said, it’s worth it to have the conversation and find out where your boundaries lie. 

Porn also doesn’t just have to be for solo use in a relationship. It can be a helpful way to show your partner something new that you want to try or something sexy to watch together. Watching porn together can be a fun bonding experience and way to explore together what turns you on. Like all other sex stuff, communication is key here, so speak up if something starts to make you feel uncomfortable. 

Porn shouldn’t be demonized or something to shame. In fact, talking about it more will transform it into a safe and inclusive tool to improve—rather than harm—our sex lives. 

Xoxo, 

Dill & Doe