The Elvis Smoothie from Cardinal Cafe; c/o Oscar Kim Bauman, Executive Editor

Whether you’re on the go and need a substantive beverage while speed-walking across campus, you want to get some nutrition while staying cool on a hot day, or you just feel like treating yourself, a smoothie is usually what the occasion calls for. As the weather warms up, I decided to look into the different smoothie options available on Wesleyan’s campus and let my fellow smoothie aficionados know what the pros and cons are of each option in this ranked list. 

4: The Marketplace at Usdan

This one’s on the list out of a sense of obligation. Though there are smoothies at Usdan, they’re not a regular staple of the place like the salad bar or the pasta station. Instead, every once in a while you find yourself walking past the sandwich station, and they’ve got smoothies stationed against a wall in those big, spinning drink dispensers. The elusive Usdan smoothies are not my favorite. When you just have to take whatever the option that day happens to be, you lose the element of customization, which is, in my opinion, one of the best parts of a smoothie. Also, since the smoothies are just sitting there in the dispensers, they’re not freshly made. The flavors can be… unorthodox (I recall a cucumber and rice milk-based one that was particularly rough). Plus, they always seem to serve them in those short, wide plastic cups, which are too small for any serious smoothie head to get their fix. 

3: Pi Café

Pi is known best for its coffee drinks, so its smoothie options are limited—but not without great appeal. Pi technically has just a single smoothie, the Quantum Freeze, on its menu, but it comes in a variety of fruit flavors. The Quantum Freeze is a decent option, particularly if you find yourself at Pi but don’t want coffee. With its $4 price point, the Quantum Freeze is definitely the most affordable smoothie on campus. It’s also the most centrally located smoothie option, sitting right in the Exley Science Center. 

However, Pi’s smoothies are too sweet for my taste. There’s a reason for that; unlike the other smoothie options around campus, which are made with fresh or frozen fruit, Pi’s fruit smoothies are simply made with ice, water, and boxed fruit concentrate. Also, beyond choosing a fruit flavor, your only other options for modification are to add vanilla ice cream and whipped cream, which brings the smoothie closer to milkshake territory. Though I do enjoy a good milkshake, they have a different time and place than smoothies. 

Mango Quantum Freeze Smoothie from Pi Café; c/o Oscar Kim Bauman, Executive Editor

2: Red & Black Cafe

Red & Black’s smoothies are well-known, and for good reason. The cafe allows you to fully customize your smoothie—with six options for bases, seven for fruit, and 10 possible add-ins, there are untold options for peak personalization, permitting you to make a smoothie for whatever vibe you’re feeling. I can’t do the math on all the possible combinations, but there’s got to be at least hundreds, if not thousands, of potential smoothie options in there. If you’re not feeling up to the daunting task of customization, Red & Black also has a set menu of seven specialty smoothies. 

My personal favorites among those specialty options include the Peanut Butter Bomb, which is made with yogurt, bananas, cacao and peanut butter powder, and chocolate syrup, and the Purple Haze, a concoction of almond milk, bananas, blueberries, hemp, and flax. Besides tasting great, it might also take the cake for most aesthetically pleasing smoothie option around. Additionally, their location, in the same building as the offices for The Argus and WESU, is highly convenient for me.

1: Cardinal Cafe

Located in the Freeman Athletic Center, Cardinal Cafe is a hidden gem, at least for less athletic types like myself who aren’t often in that corner of campus otherwise. Honestly, it’s a place I had trouble finding at first. To save others from the misfortune I faced: if you’re looking for Cardinal Cafe, don’t go to Freeman’s entrance on Warren Street, where you go up the stairs to the Andersen Fitness Center. Instead, continue down Cross Street, towards the entrance that leaves you by the Spurrier-Snyder Rink. 

Location aside, the smoothies at Cardinal Cafe are worth the trek, even if you aren’t headed for a workout or attending a game. Their smoothie menu offers a wide variety of flavors and combinations, with my favorites including the Awakening, which is made with coffee, bananas, protein powder, almond milk, chocolate, and honey, and the Banana Protein Crunch, which contains bananas, granola, protein powder, and rice milk. Though Cardinal Cafe doesn’t have the seemingly limitless customization options of Red & Black, it does offer nine flavors on its menu, and nine more optional add-ons, ranging from fresh-juiced ginger to graham crackers. 

Being located in Freeman and aimed largely at a student-athlete customer base, there is a slightly more health-conscious vibe to many of the options at Cardinal Cafe. Unlike many of the other smoothies available around campus, I’ve never found a smoothie from Cardinal Cafe to be overly sweet, and also find them the most satisfyingly filling; especially if you get a large one, they’re closer to a meal than a snack. 

There you have it! That’s the ranking based on my personal preferences, but hopefully, it also provided enough detail to help you pick where you’ll head for your next smoothie fix. As the semester wraps up, take a moment to kick back, and appreciate the wealth of smoothie options available across campus. 

Oscar Kim Bauman can be reached at obauman@wesleyan.edu.