c/o IGN

September 2021 was an interesting month. I had just started my first year at Wesleyan, my life was turning around for the better, and the cast for “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” was announced. The internet was collectively up in arms about the casting of Chris Pratt as everyone’s favorite Italian stereotype, and we had no idea what to expect. Now, a year and a half later, we’re finally seeing how it turned out.

The first thing that many audiences will note is the cast of voices. Chris Pratt gives a surprisingly good performance, and pretty much every line that people had an issue with from the trailers isn’t even in the movie. He does a regular Brooklyn accent in a higher register, and for a full length movie, that’s more than okay. I honestly don’t think I could handle a 90 minute long movie filled with exaggerated Italian accents. Charlie Day, as many predicted, is perfectly cast as Luigi, Anya Taylor-Joy does a good job voicing Princess Peach, and while Seth Rogen isn’t exactly putting in work to create a new and interesting voice, he works well for this movie’s version of Donkey Kong.

But of course, as everyone predicted the moment the casting was announced, Jack Black delivers an unironically stellar performance as Bowser. While the rest of the cast puts little to no effort into transforming their voices, Black takes his role in stride and, demonstrating his extraordinary talent as a voice actor, completely carries this movie on his back. His scenes are always entertaining, and whenever the plot moves back to him, you know you’re in for a real treat. I was genuinely laughing my ass off during several of Bowser’s scenes. One moment in particular has hooked the internet as of late: out of nowhere, Bowser suddenly breaks into a soft piano ballad about his love for Princess Peach. It’s hilarious.

The only actor that did an actively bad job was, sadly, Fred Armisen. Though Armisen is more than a capable actor in other projects he’s been involved with, he does not fit the role of an elderly, irritable, old man type character. And yet he was cast as Donkey Kong’s curmudgeonly father, Cranky Kong. Every time he opened his mouth, his presence only made me want to move on to the next scene. Instead of sounding like an old monkey, he sounded like Fred Armisen trying and failing to imitate an old man.

The movie also moves rapidly, and for me it was much too fast. Within five minutes of meeting Princess Peach, the movie had already skipped through a small traveling montage. Before we know it, Donkey Kong is introduced. So many character moments are lost in favor of quippy humor and fast fight scenes. Although no one has ever played a “Mario” game for the story, it still would have been nice to have more fleshed out characters. The humor, while sometimes genuinely funny (usually whenever Jack Black is talking), is often low-hanging fruit intended for children alone. Not to mention that Luigi is barely in the movie, and given that Day has such a great presence as the character, it’s quite disappointing to see him have very little to do.

“It’s just a kid’s movie,” some might say, and they’re right. It is. Don’t kids deserve better stories that treat them intelligently? We’ve gotten some truly mind-blowing kids movies over the years. Why do they have to stop now? Since “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish” was just released a few months ago, Nintendo has no excuse.

However, when the movie commits to an action scene, it commits. This film was clearly made with the intention of imitating the experience of playing a “Mario” game, and it certainly delivers on that front. Every single moment of high-stakes action is filled with so much energy and excitement that you can’t help but feel lucky to be along for the ride. This is especially true in the last scene, which takes everything the movie has built up to and throws all of it at the wall. Eagle-eyed viewers will also spot a myriad of Nintendo references throughout the movie, and none of them feel too gimmicky. They’re always in the background and intended as fun little Easter eggs for the fans, never interrupting the on-screen story and action. For example, Mario’s ringtone in the film is the GameCube system intro, and Donkey Kong is introduced to the tune of the classic “DK Rap.” It’s fun, neat, and over in a second. Even Mario’s original voice actor, Charles Martinet, makes a few fun cameos.

All in all, this is a movie with little to no substance, but do I care? Not really. I do wish it was better, since kids movies deserve to be taken more seriously, but, at the end of the day, I had fun in the theater. When I went, it was packed, and kids, teens, and adults alike were having the time of their lives. Upon leaving, we all felt a general sense of positivity, as what we had just watched was our much needed dopamine rush for the day.

Nate Wheeler can be reached at nwheeler@wesleyan.edu.