c/o Dani Smotrich-Barr, Photo Editor
Listen, I only drink the best. And I want what’s best for you. So take a sip of this.
When I’m sitting cross-legged at the rounded collaged tables, soft jams playing in the stereo, and I get a whiff of boiling water gushing through a packed portafilter, I instantly feel at home. In my Italian villa, with Marco, Guiseppe, and Flavio, I overhear belting laughs in the Mediterranean sun. Nonna prepares her signature Carciofi alla Romana, and I sip the most delicious latte made at Wesleyan’s very own Espwesso.
Out of all the caffeinated beverages we guzzle by the gallon on campus—the watered-down Yerba, the Usdan iced coffee infused with hints of rubbing alcohol and belly button lint, or our beloved Chai charger—I always return to the classic latte at Espwesso. I’ll tell you why.
First, some honorable mentions of lesser bevs on campus.
- Who doesn’t love to recede to childhood with a soda fountain concoction and a bit of every flavor mixed in a Usdan cup? Or to collectively raid tea in faculty lounges, bonding through crime over lukewarm Lipton made with water saturated by microplastics from the cooler’s “hot setting”?
- Wesleyan going carbon-neutral by 2090 isn’t going to save the polar bears! But the Green Monster from Red and Black might balance the PH in your IBS-ridden gut (which hasn’t stopped churning since Michael Roth got a 1.3 million dollar raise). Coconut water and chia are especially good for hangxieties.
- What’s better than a ginger Kombucha from Weshop! A latte from Espwesso.
- If you are a sweaty athlete, you might be familiar with the water bottle filler directly across from the gym. That water is gross and warm. The fountain next to the men’s bathroom by the Gatorade vending machine is more refreshing. Top ten beverages at Wesleyan for sure! Let me know in the comments if you agree.
It is my opinion that the best caffeinated beverage on campus should also be crowned the best beverage overall. Caffeine is integral to the college experience. Our schedules are robust and packed to the brim, so we gotta go baby. Club, next club, seminar, bus, CFA, lecture, house party, lab, Swings date, another club, until we drop.
Amidst all the stress, there’s hope in a refuge buried beneath Allbritton Hall that serves hot lattes in hand-painted clay mugs.
The rich espresso, topped with a frothed heart (oat, almond, pistachio, soy, they have it all), will set you right. At Espwesso, the beans are artisanal, the milk is fresh, and the baristas are cute! When I take close my eyes and take a sip from the mug, the world ceases to spin, my nausea resides, and I can focus on the nonsense in my course reader. I don’t even need to take my Adderall!
So take a trip to Espwesso, sip it, and if you don’t like it, call me and I’ll give you a refund. 100% satisfaction guarantee.
Emmett Levy can be reached at edlevy@wesleyan.edu
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