c/o Olivia Berger

Happy Friday! Dill here. Truly every lesson that I’ve learned about life and love has been taught or influenced by my mother, so for today’s Pillow Talk we’re sharing Mama Dill’s advice on growing up and growing into yourself:

1. If you catch yourself saying something mean about yourself, immediately say three compliments. This exercise definitely feels a bit silly in the beginning, but having grown up with my mother forcing this on me, I am so grateful to have it integrated into my life. Even if you don’t believe the compliments initially, the important part of the exercise is redirecting your thought patterns from harmful to loving. Aside from reframing your relationship with yourself, it also improves your confidence and sets healthier standards for how others can treat and speak to you. Even though it is just an inner conversation, it is a practice in standing up for yourself.
2. It’s supposed to be fun. One of our first articles, It’s Supposed to Be Fun, was inspired by this golden piece of Mama Dill advice. As a chronic over-thinker, I can easily be dragged down by the intensity of crushes and relationships. But as my mom always reminds me, I am so young, and the goal right now is not to find a husband or avoid a breakup. Instead, we’re supposed to be having fun and learning about ourselves and our likes/dislikes. If you find yourself getting stuck in the “everything is so serious” trap, refer to our full article for more advice on this topic. 
3. Nothing is permanent and nothing is wasted: I am grateful to have a mother that lives by the expression “Jack of all trades, master of none.” She doesn’t hold it against me that I have many interests and remain unclear on which to pursue. Instead, she reminds me that every internship, summer job, unsuccessful interview, and rejection letter helps me refine my understanding of myself and my goals. It is natural for these goals to develop and change! Even once we embark on a “career path,” we can still change fields without our past experiences being a waste of time or energy. Be grateful and proud of yourself for every effort and bump in the road. Rejection is redirection. 
4. The only people who truly understand a relationship are the people in it: As much as I would love to claim that I am completely judgment-free, that would be a lie. Especially in this day and age where many people’s relationships are public on social media, it can be easy to make assumptions and judgments about the reality of their relationship. Whether it’s concern about your best friend’s relationship or some distant person on TikTok, we often feel like we have all of the information and therefore have the authority to have an opinion about someone’s relationship. And while sometimes it can be helpful to get an outside opinion, only the people in the relationship know what it’s truly like. So keep that in mind when giving or receiving advice about personal relationships. 
5. Remember that this is your parents’ first time, too: While I do think I lucked out in the mother department, Mama Dill and I still have our disagreements and hiccups. Looking back, I’m sure there are situations that we both could have handled differently. But one of the biggest realizations I’ve had in the past couple of years is that this is also my parents’ first life and first time being parents. As obvious as that sounds, I’ve found that I sometimes hold my parents to a high standard and assume they have all the answers. While there is a wealth of wisdom and guidance that we can learn from our parents, they are still making mistakes and feeling lost, just like we are. So it’s time to let go of the expectation that they will always be flawless and right. No matter what your relationship with your parents or guardians is like, maybe you can use this as your little reminder to shoot them a text or catch up on that long-overdue phone call. Just like us, our parents are trying their best.