Having been single for a little while now, I’ve become accustomed to the invasive-and-yet-commonly-asked question: “Why don’t you have a partner?” I’m sure all my other single ladies have their experienced a fair share of this as well. Whether it’s from a nosy aunt or a loving friend, this question always has an undertone that there MUST be something wrong with you if you’re single (Spoiler alert, there’s not!). It often seems incomprehensible to other people that my singlehood could be a choice. The reality is that there are a multitude of reasons for being single. For one, healthy relationships take a lot of time and work (We’ve been writing about them for months and have barely scratched the surface!). Plus, some stages of life have other focuses, like family, friends, or work, and we simply don’t have the capacity to factor another person’s needs into our lives. And even if single people do desire a relationship, it’s not like we can snap our fingers and make the perfect partner appear immediately.
There’s a lot of social messaging that emphasizes the importance of romantic partnership, but in a world filled with guides on how to have a healthy relationship, who’s teaching us how to be single? The external pressure to be in a relationship can leave us singletons feeling restless, uneasy, and wondering: how do we just be single? Doe and I have no answers, but as always, we do have thoughts. Here’s our guide on “How to be Single.”
1. Use this time to detox from a past relationship. Whether you’re coming off of a series of flings and situationships, or a heartbreak with (the person you thought was) your one true love, it’s always a good idea to give yourself a reflection period. Thinking through the lessons you learned and the memories you made can help close that chapter. Being out of a relationship is also a great time to learn about yourself and the ways you need to be loved. I’m a sucker for a good journal prompt, so here are some of my favorites for gaining a new perspective on a past relationship and framing goals and desires for future ones:
Now I know that not everyone processes their emotions through writing the why I do, so I recommend alternatively talking through experiences with a therapist or trusted friend, or channeling these intentions into other hobbies such as drawing, dancing, or making music. Taking the time to focus on self-reflection and creative expression is a great way to reconnect with yourself.
2. Date your friends. Okay, don’t actually date them (although I am a sucker for a friends-to-lovers pipeline :)) What I mean by this is to take your friends on dates the same way you would a partner. Carve out intentional quality time to go to a restaurant or cook together and enjoy each other’s company.
3. Date yourself. It’s your time to be completely selfish! Be your own romantic partner, and treat yourself like the queen you are. Dating yourself can mean simply making time for your hobbies and self care, but I also encourage you to take yourself out on a proper date. Is there a restaurant you’ve been dying to try? Or a movie on your watchlist? While I understand that asking for a table for one can seem intimidating or embarrassing, all it takes is ten seconds of bravery. Once you do it, you’ll realize that everyone is too busy worrying about themselves to focus on you. A walk through a park or a solo visit to an art museum are also great ways to ease into dating yourself, especially if an entire meal alone feels scary. And you get to call all the shots; you can stare at a painting for hours if you really want to. That’s the beauty of it. By dating yourself, you can learn about who you are and honor that without having to accommodate anyone else.
While these are some fun things to focus on, the ultimate goal of being single is to cherish your own company, however that looks for you.
Until next time,
<3 Dill & Doe
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