In the wake of Monday’s Valentine’s Day celebrations, as I start making plans to watch Sunday’s upcoming episode of “Euphoria,” I can’t stop thinking about the one thing that seems to be on everybody’s mind, all the time: sex. From Yik Yak to Tinder, students are using every platform at their disposal to secure their very own “sneaky link.” Hookup culture on college campuses is running rampant, and Wesleyan is by no means an exception.
As most of us know, Ben Shapiro’s conservative news outlet “The Daily Wire” published a delightful article condemning the “Sexual Health” section of the Wesleyan COVID-19 module, which we were all required to complete before returning to campus, just last week. The article, as well as the onslaught of comments below it, shamed Wesleyan’s suggestions to “practice dirty talking” and “embrace digital intimacy” as ugly examples for all to see. It even went so far as to quote Connecticut State Senator Rob Sampson, who called our lowly little COVID-19 Moodle page an indicator of “the decline of American higher education” and “radical, and sadly often anti-American, cultural change.” All in all, the student body found the whole thing hilarious. For me, even before the sacrilege of discussing masturbation within these institutional hallowed halls of higher learning, it was definitely entertaining to log into my WesPortal and learn about all the COVID-19 safe “good old-fashioned phone sex” I ought to be having. Still, although ridiculous, Valentine’s Day, “The Daily Wire,” and Ben Shapiro (who I’m surprised even knows the word “sex” at all) got me thinking: What does romance actually look like for college students, both at Wesleyan and across the country? Where does hookup culture come from, and how do we really feel about it?
Fascinatingly, our generation is far less sexually active than our parents were. We’re in the midst of what some media outlets are calling a “sexual recession” or even a great “sexual depression.” There are plenty of well-researched theories behind this: social media, increasing rates of depression and anxiety, parental pressure, easy access to pornography, and, most recently, COVID-19, to name a few. Statistically, we’re just not getting it on like we used to. Young people now between the ages of 18 and 23 are having significantly less casual sex than any generation since World War II. Twenty-somethings today are more than two and a half times more likely to be sexually abstinent than Gen X at this age. But if all that is true, why doesn’t it seem like it?
As we all know, modern popular culture really just loves to put hot, young, college-age singles in the spotlight. Sex sells. Be it as a cautionary tale to expose liberal carnal passion, as a tool to prove open-mindedness, or just as eye-candy, sex sells. For evidence, just flip through the “Daily Mail” headlines on your Snapchat explore page or watch an episode of “Too Hot to Handle.” In popular news, music, television, movies, social media, and even in our classes, explicit sexual content is just about inescapable. Take “Euphoria” for example, where in each episode, drug-ridden but somehow-still-super-hot Zendaya leads us through scene after scene of either graphic sex, nudity, or violence. It’s no wonder that on some level we expect the same things to be happening around us in real life.
That deep-rooted idea of wild sex as an integral part of the “college experience” actually has a lot to do with early university Greek life. Historically, the social tone on college campuses across the country has been set by white fraternity men, who have held control over large private residences, social and business capital, and enjoyed near exception from liquor laws since as early as the 1850s. Over time, their way of “doing college” became the norm, and they set the social and sexual standard for university life that we still see today. Hooking up became commonplace, and the number of college students in committed relationships plummeted. This is another reason our generation is having less sex: statistically, people in relationships have both more sex and more satisfying sex than those who partake in only casual sex.
While doing research for this article, I actually ended up having some very enlightening and wholesome conversations with friends about Wesleyan hookup culture. We talked through the empowerment and fun that can come with casual sex, as well as the confusion we feel around intimacy, validation, and anonymity. It was all very healthy and heartfelt girl power—I’m sure our mothers would be proud.
On a more serious note though, it seemed like the majority of people I talked to don’t like hookup culture at all. There were arguments that it gets boring quickly, that it sometimes feels degrading, and that it’s seen as “weak,” “embarrassing,” or “too feminine” to catch feelings afterward. One person even likened sexual experiences in college to a form of social capital, where each sexual act was nothing more than a transaction between business partners. Hickeys, they said, are prevalent here because people want evidence to prove that they’re desirable or sexually active. Students who aren’t hooking up are putting themselves at risk of social isolation. The system denies humanity in the name of validation. The problem here is not casual sex itself, but the dysfunctional set of social rules that go along with it.
There’s also the added factor of Wesleyan’s very small campus and the awkward likelihood of running into a former sneaky link in the Weshop produce aisle. Overall, it seems like hookup culture is giving us a warped idea of what intimacy is, and what it’s supposed to feel like. Compared to the fairy tale romances many of us were taught about as young children, induction into hookup culture can be a harsh wake-up call. It’s easier for some, but creates long-lasting struggles for others. In the words of a student in Northwestern University Professor Alexandra Solomon’s Marriage 101 class: “We hook up because we have no social skills, and we have no social skills because we hook up.” The issue is a constant feedback loop.
Looking at hookup culture as a whole, I’m not really sure what I think. I just know that I don’t believe in shaming anyone, or judging someone’s worth by the amount of sex they’re having or not having, whether they’re into relationships or not into relationships. I have friends whose parents met at Wesleyan and others who would be appalled at the idea of a relationship this early in life. I have friends who really enjoy participating in hookup culture and friends who say it makes them feel icky. As far as I’m concerned, anything that feels good between consenting adults goes. Besides, as our COVID-19 Moodle so wisely suggested, if nothing else is working for you, you could stir up “The Daily Wire” and try some “good old-fashioned phone sex.”
Sophie Jager can be reached at sjager@wesleyan.edu.