c/o Sophie Griffin, Arts & Culture Editor

Welcome to Ask The Argus, a column brought to you by the Features section! Each week, we bring you the hottest advice from your wonderful, trusty, seasoned editors. Are you having trouble making friends? Is your relationship falling apart? Regretting your choice of major? Struggling with time management? Don’t fret: We’ve been there and are here to help.

I recently broke up with someone and I am deathly afraid of running into them and their friends at Red and Black, ’Swings or Usdan. What should I do?

First off, we are so sorry to hear about your breakup. There’s no sugarcoating it: even if it was the right decision, it still sucks. And it’s even worse when your ex is a living and breathing human being who is also walking around the Wesleyan campus. Campus probably feels like a dangerous obstacle course to you right now, and that’s really difficult.  

But don’t fret! This is a universal experience for Wesleyan students: we live on a small campus. Whether you’re swabbing your nose in the testing line, on the elliptical in the gym, or just trying to have some quiet study time on the third floor of Olin, the possibility always exists that you could run into someone who you don’t particularly feel like seeing, whether that be an ex-friend, ex-lover, or Saturday night’s hookup. 

We’d suggest starting by identifying why you’re so afraid of running into your ex and their friends. Is it because you think seeing your ex would bring back painful memories? Would it make you miss them? Are you worried about your ex (and their friends) hating you? Do some self-reflection to figure out what your main concern is and then try to identify some solutions. For example, if you’re worried that your ex’s friends hate you, take solace in the fact that if you feel any hostility from them, they’re probably just defensive of their friend, just as your friends are probably defensive of you. If you’re worried that seeing your ex will make you miss them more, remind yourself that grieving is necessary and nonlinear, and let yourself feel the feelings. Make a list of reasons why you and your ex broke up and return to them over and over to remind yourself why this was the best decision for both of you. 

Also, chances are you know your ex pretty well, which means you probably know which locations on campus they are most likely to be. Are they always at ’Swings salmon night? Do they always workout at 4:30 pm? Are they a first floor SciLi person? By identifying “high-risk” areas on campus, you can try to avoid those places as much as possible and in turn, avoid your ex. Remember that they probably want to avoid you too, and that they’re probably just as sad, anxious, and nervous about running into your friends as you are about their friends. The Features team sends you love! 

My roommate won’t stop leaving the kitchen a mess. I don’t mind cleaning up after them once or twice, but it’s become a habit and I don’t know what to do.

Cohabitating peacefully with a roommate is no small feat. Everyone has different styles of living: some people are early risers, while others are nocturnal; some people prefer to keep everything neat and clean, while others choose to live in chaos. It sounds like your roommate tends to fall on the messy side of the spectrum, and you like to keep things neater. This is a common roommate dilemma, but hopefully, you and your roommate are friends and the idea of bringing it up to them doesn’t sound too daunting. You’ll need to say something if you want it to change. 

You don’t have to use an accusatory tone when confronting them, and you’ll probably be better off not implicating them at all. By saying something like, “I’ve noticed that the kitchen has been messy lately, and it stresses me out a bit. Can we work on this?” By using “I” statements and speaking about the situation as something that you want to work on together with your roommate, they won’t feel attacked, which will make them more likely to consider your standpoint and change their behavior. You could also offer to fix something that you’re not so great at—for example, do you always forget to replace an empty toilet paper roll? Say something like, “I’m going to work on being better at replacing the toilet paper roll. I know it’s probably annoying for you.” That way, you show your roommate that it’s a two-way street. You can also check in with them about why this might be happening. Is something going on in their life that might make it difficult for them to accomplish these tasks? Make sure to hear them out so you can work towards a solution.

If all else fails, consider making a chore chart to delegate tasks to each one of you every day or week. It can include things like dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the shower, or organizing the refrigerator. That way, you’re making a joint effort to create a clean and orderly living environment.

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