Even though the spooky season is looking different this year, it doesn’t mean that dressing up for Halloween is out of the question. In fact, it might be just the right distraction in these trying times.
Sports have always been a classic go-to Halloween costume theme. Athletics-related attire tends to be easy, fun, and recognizable. It has the potential to be creative without requiring much effort, and let’s be honest, not many of us are on our best costume game this year. So, without further ado, we’re here to provide you with some ideas for your sports-related Halloween costume for 2020. And do remember to wear a mask with all of these costumes, even if *cough cough* the person you’re dressing up as would never wear a mask.
1. Donald Trump Playing Tennis
If you’re looking to get super scary this year, this is the costume for you. Remember when those pictures emerged of Mr. President playing tennis in 2017, decked out in full tennis whites and a red baseball cap? Extra points if your shorts are see-through and you stumble around clumsily with a tennis racket all night. Double extra points if you’re planning on voting him out on Tuesday.
2. The Wesleyan Cardinal
Show a little Wes pride and dress up this year as the Wesleyan Cardinal. It’s up to you which version of the cardinal you would prefer to emulate, but the newer one is significantly spookier. Make sure you furrow your brow and angrily glare at everyone you come across.
3. Member of Men’s Lax
The perfect time to don your Sperrys, Vineyard Vines crewneck, and salmon shorts. The key to pulling off this costume will be to ensure that everyone around you knows you can shotgun a beer and love “Pulp Fiction.” A fun accessory to include is a flashy watch or a wad of $100 bills. Another side benefit of this costume is if anyone stops you, you are more than welcome to pull out your phone and threaten to call your daddy at Goldman Sachs, a prominent donor, alum, and member of the Board of Trustees! As a side note, you should inform everyone about the internship you hustled for at Goldman Sachs next year.
4. Wesleyan’s Own Bill Belichick
This costume relies on just having a hoodie and sweatpants, optimal for a Halloween spent in quarantine. You can walk the halls of Freeman Athletic Center, marveling at your plaza. Additionally, feel free to cheat at any of the festivities you partake in throughout the evening. Grab that apple you’re bobbing for, and most importantly, be extra mean to your friends so they transfer to Tampa leaving you with lousy friends and a losing record.
Note: Argus Sports Editor Drew Kushnir objects to the characterization “cheating” of any of Bill Belichick’s extracurricular activities.
5. Jersey Cop-Out
Picture this: a friend reminds you it is Halloween but with humiliation, you realize you didn’t have time to get a costume together. But never fear! The jersey cop-out is a tried and true tactic ensured to dazzle everyone at your party with its laziness. Take any shirt, jersey, or even hat from literally any team and call yourself your favorite player. A careful reminder, however, is to avoid Falcons or Dodgers apparel or you might choke on a candy apple.
However, you choose to spend this Halloween, remember who has always been there for you, the Argus sports section. Wear a fun costume, see your friends outside with masks, social distance and enjoy the merriment.
John Vernaglia can be reached at email@example.com.
Annie Roach can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.